symphony of life

Turdus Migratorius

2012-03-12T19:41:00.000+08:00

It means the American Robin.

Did this in a day, total, 3 hours I guess?
Got the photo from a bird book I borrowed from the library due to a sudden urge to paint birds.
The orange tone took the longest time, I think it has 3 different colours, and 100 over layers.
I know the cherries kinda ruined it, but I think it's quite successful, for the first bird watercolour.
Will try the black-capped Chickadee (see the pencil sketch?) the next time. :D

The wonder of Your love

2012-03-11T20:56:00.000+08:00

A shot taken in M'sia while sitting in the mini bus. So cute right.

This week was... interesting.
Monday was okay, on tuesday morning I woke up with a you're-gonna-fall-sick feeling in my throat, so I stubbornly thought the sun would help me get better and I played floorball for 45 mins under the hot sun during pe.
After pe was fine, but 2 periods after pe I fell sick. There. Right in school.
So somehow when you're sick everywhere you go the air-cons seems to direct it's sarcasm at you by blowing in your direction, which did not help.
By the last period I thought I wouldn't survive home although I knew I had to get home asap, and the sick feeling just plunged into a real sickly sick feeling.
But God is faithful, even though He's not a real, physical being there but He has His ways for taking care and protecting His sheep.
When I was walking out of school I was already praying that God will see me home safely, that I will survive home and not faint halfway and appear on headlines the next day and every single step I took I prayed.
Faithful enough, just as I approached the bus stop, Bus 31 came wheezing and YAY! because it's the only bus that will take me straight to tampines interchange and usually it takes 20 mins to wait for it's appearance but on tuesday it came right on the spot as I reached the bus stop.
Okay, the air-con in the bus was still blowing at me. Like all air-cons knew who is the poor sick fella to blow at everyday.
So when I alighted at the interchange, woahla, my bus came immediately to send me home when usually it takes another irritating 5-10 mins of waiting. God sure knows. He knew I couldn't afford to wait.
And when I finally victoriously reached the void deck of my block I felt so good because the lord has shown His compassion for me.
A guy stood there waiting at the lift lobby. When I reached the lift entrance, the lift just nice touched down to level 1 and opened, and that guy helped me pressed my floor button, so I didn't even need to use my hands.
See, God knows. and He prepares all the way home.

And that's how I survived Sick Day.
I'm fine now, but my voice is affected so I can't sing or talk without sounding like a man.

Art lesson on thursday was an eye-opener and a laughing session.
We were supposed to do life-sized drawing, so the teacher brought in 2 low tables and asked everyone to sit on the floor around with charcoal and newsprint papers.
At first I thought she was going to put some objects on the table and ask us to draw them, but when everyone has settled down...

"Okay everybody take turns to stand on the table and do a pose. The subsequent people cannot copy the previous pose!"

:O

The first guy that went up did the easiest one : just stand there.
There were also time limits to our drawing, from 5 mins to 1 min to 30 seconds to 10 seconds to just ONE second!
It's a practice to draw first, think later.
Just see and identify the important lines and just draw, no time to think.
At first everyone was still kinda shy but after a few times we got bold and did all sorts of poses you could ever imagine. Recline poses, one-legged, movie stars, balancing acts... and the funny part was when the model moved slightly, or took another object, because every little action determines the difficulty so there were a lot of protests:
"Don't face me don't face me!!! Ahhh!"
"Ohmygoodness put that thing down!!"
"Are you sure you could hold that pose for a minute?!"
and such.
Did over 10 drawings/scribbles.
We held up our drawings after each time and it's AMAZING what people could draw and what people drew.
Did partner portraits after that, some people drew a part of themselves in when they drew others, and the draw-without-looking-at-your-paper activity was an eye-opener.
Laughing fits all the way.

Saturday, Ahs Carnival!!! It's the first time AHS is having a carnival since 1990s.
Finally the plan was executed when the idea came from my batch.
Anyway, it was great to meet up and catch up with old friends and juniors, and I guess it can be considered quite successful because the coupons were sold out by late afternoon.
Wanted to take more pictures but this is the picture I took before the camera died on me:

Hi Sarah, it was nice catching up with you again. :)

This coming week will be packed. But I'm looking forward. :D

In this fairytale heartland

2012-03-05T21:08:00.000+08:00

A volcano just erupted a few days ago, triggered by a major movement of tectonic plates in the fairyworld's mantle.
A large crack appeared deep down.
No gnomes, pixies, fairies, elves, goblins, dwarfs or any other creature living in the fairyworld could see it.
Yet it's there.
Open, wounded.
The lava has stopped flowing out.
Yet it's still there.
Open, healing.
It needs time and space to heal and let evergreen plants grow and fill it abundantly.
To turn the wound it once was into an enchanted jungle full of beauty and mystery.

A fairy walked past and realised the crack.
Open, wounded.
(Since fairies are well-known for it's love and care for nature and their deep knowledge of the surroundings)
The fairy tried her best and sprinkled fairy dust on it and flew away, wishing that it will heal on it's own and be transformed.
Yet one day, a gnome realised the crack.
Suprised and concerned, he went back to his cottage and told his near neighbours.
Everyone wanted to heal the crack.
Holding shovels, hammers, nails, potions, they made their way to the crack.
Open, healing.
Doing all they knew (only fairies know best) they digged, hit, moved the rocks and everything, trying to fill the crack in an attempt to make the land seem like it was before the volcano erupted.
Futile.

Open, a silent yell.

Wouldn't it be obvious that a crack in the ground cannot be closed up the way it was before, but it can turn into a beautiful habitat by leaving it with time without any unnecessary interference?

The Sun sighs.

When words fail as words

2012-03-04T22:57:00.001+08:00

All the bumps in growing up are starting to make a little sense.
It's like a train ride.
As I look out of the carriage windows, the scenery is changing.
It feels as though I'm reaching the destination, but maybe it's just approaching the next stop.
The people in my cabin have changed, some walked in for a while and left, some stayed on.
More heartfelt thoughts exchanged, as if some were tired, exhausted from this long ride.
Even the constant clickety-clack of the wheels did feel the same anymore.

For this very heart

2012-03-02T23:41:00.000+08:00

This song really touched me for this week.
Reminded me why I am still holding up, holding on.

Sometimes it's just so hard to keep the image going, wondering whether it's society or yourself.
But in the end it's still the deep pull within, to go back to God, to find back the first love and never lose it.
It's what it means to be set apart, even apart from yourself, to get into that position where self didn't matter anymore.
Sometimes I wonder whether all these will be worth it, because I can't see it yet. It's so hard to continue keeping an effort. I can't see whether saving myself up, being a listening ear, taking a strong stand in principles, being conscious of my actions and words, watching my dressing, continuing to be a new person every morning will be worth it but I know it'll be worth it.
God is a God who never disappoints, it's us who disappoints ourselves with our own disillusioned "foresight" into the future when the real good thing hasn't even happened yet.

Going after God's own heart cannot include satisfying our own hearts.
It's always the laying down of oneself, the denial.
Even when it doesn't suit us, the hindering wall needs to be broken into.
To get back to His love.
Love,
is such a big word,
a word that contains everything, yet everything cannot explain it.
And people use it so carelessly around, degrading it's value of it's worth.

Kiss of morning mist upon the meadows.

2012-03-01T22:02:00.003+08:00

I think this is such a cute song:

Time to turn the maple brilliant crimson.
Time to turn the Aspen's sparkling gold.
Time to tumble apples from their branches.
Time to turn the breezes crisp and cold, a chill enfolds the country side.

Kiss of morning mist upon the meadows.
Scent of wood smoke swirling in the air.
Signals that it's high time for the harvest.
Every 'punkin', peach, and prickly pear, with ripened fruit to bear

If you believe in who you are,
who you were always meant to be.
If you open up your heart, then you'll set your spirit free.
In this time of the season, every leaf on every tree, will start to shine,
come and see,
take my hand,
come with me and fly.

Always standing right beside you,
one true friend is there to guide you

to believe in who you are,
who you were always meant to be.
If you open up your heart, then you'll set your spirit free.
In this time of the season, every leaf on every tree, will start to shine,
come and see,
take my hand,
come with me and fly!

Beautiful cranks

2012-02-29T20:50:00.001+08:00

Her footwork is fabulous and incredible.
I have never ever ever reached anywhere near that, or seen anyone be that fast and accurate on the narrow pedals! And she is still able to play on the keyboard goes to show that the footwork is already ingrained into her subconscious mind so she doesn't have to pay much attention to every note she plays on the pedals, must have taken years of work.
Even my fingers' chromatic scales is still slower than her footwork for chromatic scales.
A wonder how she can manage to keep herself steady on the stool.

Also, pipe organs need to be breathed live not heard through the earpiece at the laptop because the live atmosphere is really different, every single note and it's relative position in the atmosphere where it hangs can be felt clearly.
So gonna get tickets for another esplanade concert. :D

And presenting my favourite female voice group of all time... Celtic Woman!!!

I've been watching their performances (on youtube) since a few years ago and I really think their voices outdo all the other pop singers out there. The songs they do have a standard too, and I really like celtic music because somehow it's like reading a fairytale book, the impossible becomes visible and real, like the movement and flow of the music is still real music, just that is differs from classical ones because it's colours have a unique theme to it. :)
Oh and my favourite singer from celtic woman is Lisa Kelly. (She's the one singing the solo at 2:01) I like the weight & power & control & tone of her voice and when she projects the sound comes out straight and clear, no airy zitty sounds and it's sooo pure... usually a nice red gold tinge comes with it. Especially whenever she projects. :)

This is a must-listen:

The song lyrics are worth enjoying too.
I wonder if they'll ever come to Singapore...

Oh and I realised I have a thing for songs/pieces with 3/4 rhythm, even during random mind compositions it's always in 3/4 rhythm unintentionally. Like now, the above song is in 3/4 rhythm too. :O

It's 17's turn to shine

2012-02-27T20:55:00.000+08:00

(photo credit to google)

A fine work by Angelica Kauffman (30 October 1741 – 5 November 1807) , a neoclassical female painter. She is the first woman to be admitted to the Royal Academy in England, super talented as a child with an amazing memory capacity, a speaker of many languages. Chanced upon this artwork and her biography while reading an art book in the art room. The instant I saw this painting I felt a lot for it.
The resolution isn't very clear in this picture because the art book I read from had a good, high res, BIG photo of this so everything could be seen clearly.
Anyway, this painting is about her in her early stages of her career, and lady in the middle is obviously herself, and the one on her right (wearing red) is Music, and the other Art.
She had to choose between this 2 career paths so in this painting, she chose Art, as shown in her pose about to leave with Art. But as she is doing so, her right hand is still holding on to Music and Music seems to have eyes begging her to stay, but Angelica's expression shows that she has made her decision to go with Art even though she feels sorry for Music.
In the background, there is a shelter for Music, but Art has a long way up a steep hill, but there is a brighter vision for it. Also goes to show that if Angelica had chosen Music, she could have lived a comfortable and sheltered life, but maybe not with a lot of fame but if she went with Art, the journey might be tough but it will be well worth it.
So this is the scene where she made her steadfast decision to pursue a career in Art, even though she is a talented opera singer with a lot of praises from high status travellers in her time. But still, her artwork really captured many people in her time (and me too) and she is really highly sought after for portraits and commissions even though she is a female and I believe she died a celebrity because her funeral was on such a large public scale that it had been compared to Raphael's funeral (another very famous artist) which was held three centuries before her time., considered as a neoclassican female hero. Also someone who goes against society's discrimination for females in art education and just did what she had passion for. Really accomplished and an inspiration for me. :)
Did a small research on her and the terms that are used to describe her include :
"an international sensation"
"child prodigy"
"a stunning beauty" (and broke many hearts in her time too :P)

This is her self-portrait. (credit to google)
I really like her style of painting because it's a style that I can relate to and her skills for perpectives, area, use of lighting, movement is amazing, even without a proper art education.
Not to mention she is a real beauty and her name sounds like mine. (Ok that's lame)
I guess I found another favourite painter apart from Michaelangelo, Da Vinci and Monet. (Van Gogh is kinda disturbing for me) :D
More information click http://www.abcgallery.com/K/kaufman/kaufmanbio.html, http://www.mystudios.com/women/klmno/kauffmann.html, http://www.sedefscorner.com/2011/10/angelica-kauffman-zeuxis-selecting.html, http://www.theflorentine.net/articles/article-view.asp?issuetocId=5230, http://www.answers.com/topic/angelica-kauffman.
Maybe I should do more posts on art now, since I'm taking art. :)

Celebrated my 17 years of existence on planet Earth last wednesday, and it's finally feeling like I'm getting old.
Too old for my own sake.
But this year is very different, my birthday has been spent with many groups of people with different ways of expressing it. And it's also the first time it's really memorable.
So let's see... chocolate cake on my face, a top quality sketchbook from a person who knows me well, a box of chocolates, photos of snow from england, an amazing card packed with blessings from beloved brethren, scrapbook materials from my fellow ex-alto queens (YAY), and a half day spent with this special secret group of close friends who surprised me, bought me irrelevant "presents" but whom I cherish a lot. :D
I feel really blessed everytime I look back.

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”

- C.S. Lewis

So I suppose being 17 now should somehow make me grow a little more adult-ish and more rational and stuff but somehow I don't feel that way. Yet. Maybe a little, but until reality sets in, I shall hold on more to a little sixteen before adding the seventeen. Have my dreams changed? Probably not too much, but it has faded and tweaked to suit reality. Imaginations and fantasies have also faded. Maybe this is the phase where childhood meets adulthood: all fairytales remain as fairytales.
Of course the goal is to always grow and mature spiritually, because everything of this world is temporary and God has the perfect plan frame. What matters is still eternity.
Anyway the number 17 is a pretty number. It's like a soft green with a layer of transparent white over it, like a sash and it's currently single because 19 has other business to do. I think they are waiting. Hmmmm...

Okay if you were expecting anything highly reflective-filled-with-deep-thoughtful-insights post I guess this is not the right blog to go because there's really nothing much to reflect deep about yet, at this point in time...
All I have to say about myself is that... I'm different but yet the same, and yet the same but still different.

:)

Snowy Horses

2012-02-21T12:18:00.000+08:00

Painted for leisure and for practice. It's hard to capture the still movement and get the correct colour, and the proportions are kinda out too (heads way too big) but I'm starting to grasp the ability to manipulate water on the paper haha.The next self-project shall be horse pencil sketching, before the main art lessons start to kick in. :P

(photo credits to google and the photographer with amazing skills. )

Charles Dickens

2012-02-14T20:54:00.001+08:00

The above was what killed my time and my brain cells for the past 2 days.Almost done, probably will do more contrasting blacks and more wrinkles since he STILL looks 10 years younger no matter how hard I try, and half of the time spent was on the unkempt, frizzy beard and hair. Self-note: Get a bald shaven guy the next time. Maybe an infant would be the best.

When the bluebird sings

2012-02-12T23:49:00.001+08:00

So on friday was the sea sports carnival @ east coast park and 12A15 GOT 2ND PLACE~!!!!
It was so unexpected, although we kept getting max points at each game station mostly due to our original cheers not because we kept winning. Tug of war with half the body submerged in the sea was FUN (1,2,3 PULL!), repeating the same cheer over and over again was awesome, playing in the sea on a hot sunny day with an amazing class was even more unforgettable. Not to mention I went home with a different pair of purple slippers because someone else with his/her eyes blinded by the scorching sun wore my slippers off.

(photo credits to Cerys' photography skills and her amazing dslr)

Spent the evening mass dancing at suntec around the fountain of wealth. Was supposed to dance with OG but ended up shouting/screaming 圣中圣中!!! with all the vj-ahs people. Did zaocao, sang the ahs school song, did alot more ahs cheers than vj ones, had group hugs... Seemed like we only started loving ahs after we left. Ohwells.

On saturday afternoon...

This is NOT SINGAPORE.
Beautiful isn't it?
Went to m'sia to attend a distant cousin's wedding, visited my grandfather's old hometown and found this railway track at some ulu place in the middle of talltall grasses. Not sure whether it's still in use since no trains came by when we took photos. Uniike sg, this place would not have many people squeezing around just to take photos which would have people in it and we practically had the whole place to ourselves.

If it was not for the blazing scorching sun above us @12pm I would have stayed longer.

Okay that's all for now.

Oh and:

She's my number 1 search on youtube for now. :D I think she's amazing, I can feel the intention in every note she plays, the speechless speed and accuracy and I hope that when I'm 40 plus years old I would be as good as her. :D

Capture the moment

2012-02-09T21:10:00.000+08:00

That's the vj jotterbook. ;)

My first art lesson:

*big pieces of mirrors are handed out to each student*

"Okay now everybody get a piece of cartridge paper and draw your own potrait in 1 hour."

But in the end it was quite an experience. :)
Thursdays are officially art days now, from 1 pm to 7pm spent in art room breathing art. I really like jc life, although ccas haven't started but I kinda like the self-driven learning thingy and the freedom on how I want to study as long as I keep to the topics. I like how I feel towards learning, partly due to all my arts subjects (no science anymore!) and the interest I have for all of them. :D I think it's also time for females at this age to be more mature and stop being subjected to the sec sch girl, to see a little further ahead and grow out of immaturity.
It's time.

12A15

2012-02-06T21:50:00.000+08:00

So that's my very fun class, made up of 16 girls and 3 guys, and I'm taking the combi LAME (go figure) and the timetable officially starts tomorrow so I guess this is where the busy starts. :)

Wishing you were somehow here again

2012-02-05T20:36:00.001+08:00

Went back to AHS for the alumni lunch (although I haven't registered myself as a lifetime member lol) with the exco peeps (really thank God for this close group of guygirl friends). :D
And the usual things happen: tcw targeted as main victim with whatever property she brought, bags, handphones and wallets hidden, and due to us who just finished the orientation week, cheers and mass dances of different schools were "perfomed" ridiculously and in the end we just sat down in the concourse and played kiddy games.

Best candid shot EVER:
As you can see, tcw doesn't have any bag, not because she forgot but because it was HIDDEN in one of our bags, which explains her candid expression and daniel at the back is doing some rj cheer because he was feeling so high (notice his other hand has tcw's water bottle) and caihao has his hand touching someone else's skin, as usual.

(thankyou eugene!)

For many months to come.

Orientation was great, cheers still ringing in my head, sunburnt, but somehow this time I remained kinda reserved unlike previous camps which I just went practically wild in maybe it's due to the fact that I take a longer time to adapt to a new environment. My class (12A15) is AMAZING though, really thank God for putting me in such a friendly and "high" class where everyone (I really mean every single one) is optimistic and very sporting. I love my class.
Everyone feels so smart and intelligent I don't know whether I can make it through but I'm taking ART. Like finally.
I cut my hair short too, not the short short but the kinda short short since it's around my shoulders now and no more long ponytails, only a thin stump. And I like it, it's been a long time since I felt the wind on the back of my neck.

Maybe this will be the last post for some time because I forsee myself being very busy and trying to survive in waves of whatever jc has to offer. :P

Oh and...

:D

A new Beginning

2012-01-29T16:12:00.000+08:00

Went for a art/photography outing with Cerys on thursday, but ended up spending most of the time at the art museum. :D

Of course, the above 2 photos is just a teenyweeny bit of what happened the whole day, and we stayed at the museum until they chased us out, sort of.
It's always good to have artsy friends around for artsy rants and trips. :)

School posting result will be out on monday, which is tomorrow, but I'm really am leaving everything to God, including my subject combi and to-join-ccas... (a-level art? ;) )

And the little things in life really do brighten up the days, like how a box of $4 soft pastels from art friend made time fly past so quickly. :D

Breathing colours

2012-01-20T11:52:00.001+08:00

Looks like I'm not alone... :)

http://www.experienceproject.com/group_stories.php?g=49076

I don't really mention this much to anyone I meet, although I am burning inside to find someone I know personally that has this. Actually the last person I talked to was charmaine (she has it!) but hers isn't so vivid like mine, like it didn't involve numbers and personalities.
I also realised that I group the days of the week into different groups, like monday tuesday and wednesday is the first group, thursday and friday, then saturday and sunday. I thought it was normal to do that until I went through the above forum. :P
Oh and there was an article which mentioned synesthetes have a problem with differentiating their left and right. SO TRUE.
I always thought it was because I do not pay enough attention or put in much effort to tell where is my left and right. It always takes a second for me and not straightaway to point my hands correctly or give correct directions. I recall telling a taxi driver to turn left but my right hand was frantically pointing towards the right and I did not even felt it was wrong until he pointed it out to me. (embarrassing much)
So whenever I have to tell where is my left and right, I subconciously pretend to be holding a pen then I can conclude confidently where is my right and left because I hold my pen in my right hand. :D It's an acquired habit.

It has always been a great wonder to me why I couldn't see the correct colours with the human voice but I can see it clearly with any other instruments, or any sound with a pitch. Like when someone sings a G, the colour always differs from person to person so I can't tell what exactly is the note sung, even for my own voice, but with any other instruments it's crystal clear, if it's a G, it's a pale green with tinges of grey, a very thin colour. But after scrolling and reading through numerous accounts from synesthetes, I finally understand why. It was because the human voice carries a part of their own feelings because it comes straight from the human. So the pitch that comes out is the colour of how they are feeling, or the intention of what they are singing. No wonder when altos sing without feelings it's forever greyish, and that's when I know they are all tired already haha. When ahschoir sung avemaria during syf'09, I remember it being very colourful like a lot of reds and pinks and sometimes a brown, because everyone sung with with feelings, each note carried a figment of their soul. The colour might not reflect the pitch, but it reflects the feelings. I don't know if anyone can see it like I do, or probably this is just synesthesia again.

So I guess everyone perceives the world around them differently. It would be impossible for me to live without colours and personalities on numbers, but it might be impossible for someone without it to be able to understand fully how I view the world. If there wasn't any colour on music, or numbers being alive, I think my world would become very dull. I mean, I like it when the number 2 bullies the number 1 and the numbers 7 and 9 are having mutual affections for one another but they are both being very conservative due to the number 8 standing in between them (if they stood beside one another I think they would be married already) and 8 just reminds me of a fat guy munching on potato chips. Music being full of colours flying gracefully in the air is just amazing. And I like vivaldi because the colours of his songs are very vivid and active. But it's really hard to explain this whole experience to someone who doesn't have it, because words are too limited, it'll be like, explaining how you hear and feel music to someone who is deaf, or telling how colourful the horizon is and how the enormous space makes you feel to a person who is blind. Still, it makes the world seem very interesting, and there is always something to see in the mind's eye even if it's not in reality.

Oh yes and chinese characters have colours too, like 门 is transparent white, like a sheet of glass but 们 is a little greenish, like light green grapes. 我 is orange, 和 is pale orange, 或 is also orange but the shade is deeper, 久is red, like dried up blood red, 就is bluish green, and so on. I don't need to know how to pronounce the character or know it's meaning, even if it's the first time I'm seeing it I can tell you its unique colour too. Well this really helped in school to remember certain characters, all I need to do is to remember the colour and it comes back. :) Of course, like every synesthete, I thought it was normal and common to do that, until I asked around.

I hope no one would think I have a mental condition after reading this. I mean, it's been there ever since I could remember and just researching more and more about it makes it absolutely interesting. :)

http://www.livescience.com/169-rare-real-people-feel-taste-hear-color.html
http://www.mind-expanding-techniques.com/synesthesia.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ordinal_linguistic_personification

This video is just a real life representation of different forms of synesthesia, like hearing music and tasting, seeing colours in music, feelings words... I know normal people might find it hard to understand, but in reality it's really like that, the world is as weird like that, but very amazing.

And JC life is about to start soon, not that I'm dreading it (I'm really looking forward to it) but I'm sad that there won't be anymore chances to go out with my dear friends and I'm really going to miss the times. It's weird how we thought of great outing ideas ONLY at the last few weeks of hols. Gotta cherish all the free days ahead now. Ah, the painful side of memories.

New Look

2012-01-13T15:17:00.001+08:00

Changed blogskin! :D

The same spot in sight

2012-01-13T11:50:00.002+08:00

These few days God has set me thinking, showing me how people keep sowing in earthly things, expecting it to reap, and when it reaps, they sow again, reaping again, but in fact, they are all hovering around the same spot. Not moving forward in any aspect, be it character, discipline, maturity, speech, anything.
What they might have gained is only experience, but how restricted that experience would be of use, because sooner or later, they forget, and commit the same mistakes again, and hover around the same spot, like going around a roundabout that changes it's scenery once in awhile to deceive them into thinking that they're moving on, but actually, it's the same spot. Same old spot they started out.
This is like us all, including God's children, when we get carried away. Due to our microscopic figure, all we see is the happenings around us, in each country, in each town, but not what God has called us to do.
As long as our focus switches to go on with the flow of the world, pursuing things just as the worldly people around us, challenging, fighting, vying, joining in the competition of status, we embark on the journey of a roundabout game.
We discard and leave the path that God has shown us, to direct us out of this roundabout, because there's so little people walking in it. All humans like to have a sense that someone is in the same situation they are in, so as to not feel left out, so when nobody walks God's path, and their focus switches from God to the people around, they move back to the roundabout.
All the systems of this world, education, politics, economy, they are all squeezed into this roundabout. Everything that happens affect another, so it spurs on the roundabout game.
Everyone living in this roundabout spends his lifetime going on in the circular flow, serving in any system of it, it never restarts, or pauses, it just keeps moving, whether a life ends or begins, it never stops.
Look at how mankind has progressed over the centuries, inventions, discoveries, improved technologies, convenient lifestyles, yet it does not mean we're closer to God at all, or does it mean that the heart of man has improved. It's still the same spot.
Even if a man takes on a position of the highest status, he is still serving in this roundabout.

⁴LORD, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is: that I may know how frail I am.
⁵Behold, thou hast made my days as an handbreadth; and mine age is as nothing before thee: verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity. Selah.
⁶Surely every man walketh in a vain shew: surely they are disquieted in vain: he heapeth up riches, and knoweth not who shall gather them. -Psalms 39:4-6

Only God's way is the way of life, the ending will be the fullness of life, the only path that leads out of this roundabout.
Many times we've encountered with this entrance of escape, and also many times we've ignored it, afraid to go on this path that little people take because we don't know what might be ahead, or what is the ending like, or some will walk on it a little, then due to a change in focus, they move back into the roundabout, where everything can be seen in the physical, where everyone is, but they fail to see the being that is hovering over this roundabout, the devil.

Man is like to vanity: his days are as a shadow that passeth away. -Psalms 144:4

Sometimes even christians tend to compromise, to seem as if they are embarking on God's path, but another foot still tied in this roundabout. It is impossible, just as the verse says, "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."
Mammon refers to this roundabout. All that christian can do is to continue moving in the roundabout and convince his own mind into thinking that he is serving God too, but in fact, it's all a deception so as to not feel guilty for heaping up riches for himself. How can one compromise with God, the unchanging being, whose standards never changed since the beginning?

Now moving on from the roundabout to God's route of escape.

¹³Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:
¹⁴Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.-Matthew 7:13-14

The path is hard to walk on, there might be many rocky areas, and nobody alive has reached the end and able to tell how the end looks like to the people walking on it. Different people might experience different trials, but as long as they look up to God, not down on the road or around, they carry on.
Moving forward might mean drifting more and more apart from the roundabout, but that's the whole point of being set apart for God.
Actually this whole roundabout and escape route is just a metaphor, because you can't really see it in the physical (how great it would be if it can be seen in the physical) and that is what adds on to the difficulty. It all happens in the mind. We can't escape from the happenings on this world since we're all stepping on the same earth, but we can be set apart for God, by setting our minds to things of above and not below, and to be obedient, hearing God's voice to direct our lives, our choices, our actions, our decisions, because "faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God."
God's voice is the only voice that drives us on His path, without it, we move back into the roundabout.

Sadly, not everyone sees the life from it, not everyone can commit themselves into walking on it proper.
The devil seeks to lure us back into the roundabout through subtle ways, by making us waste our time, just injecting thoughts of power and status, influencing our decisions and actions, and all humans are subjected to it, but with God, He is the only one who can push away these thoughts of deception. All these, if thought over carefully, isn't of much use at the end of the day. Will status fill the empty void in us? Or will popularity, money, power? If it could really fill the empty void, no one would be continually fighting for higher positions, or scheming ways to earn more money, wanting more and more, until death sweeps over.

So to encourage the discouraged, hold on to the faith, the vision that God has given you since the day you embarked on this journey, don't lose the first love. The circumstances around might not be encouraging, the people whom you've once looked up to might be discouraging, or maybe all the factors around you seem to tell you to just give up and move back into the roundabout. Just focus on God and know well that as long as you're doing God's will, you're still in His perfect frame. The world can judge a person according to their standards all they want, but it's still restricted in that little roundabout where no life exhibits from. It's still a learning journey for me, and I think I'm going in a roundabout too.

²Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever thou hadst formed the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, thou art God. -Psalm 90:2

From everlasting to everlasting, a human pea brain can't comprehend the vastness of it all. :D

P.s. This blog has a total of 9000+ views since I started this url, in sec 2? I know it can't be compared to the millions, but at least there are people viewing it. Heehee. :)

BRB.

2012-01-11T08:13:00.005+08:00

I think I just got an inspiration for a long worthy post, but for now, I made this set (from scratch) dedicated to all of you young ladies 16 going on 17!

Hope you liked it!

When fresh air fills the morning

2012-01-07T15:36:00.001+08:00

Time flies again, because next monday, which is just 2 days away, the the release of O'level results.
Mixed feelings whenever I think about it, I know God is good, but the "good" cannot be understood in human terms so I thought for the worst too, then it becomes complicated, so ultimately I refuse to feel.

Went back to ahs for sec 1 orientation, and dinner with the council peeps. Will miss them so much. SOSOSOSO much.

Slacking in tower hall's pa room.

Many faces blocked...
Credits to pinyi and sarah.

And yesterday's post-sunset:

The moon was bright bright bright. :)

It's going to be a tough two days ahead! But God is good, so I just have to see it in God's perspective then it'll be good.

When the moonlight gives way to the sunrise

2011-12-31T11:12:00.003+08:00

So this will be the last post of 2011, and I'm finally 16 going on 17! *quote a familiar song*
Time really flies like a breeze, okay maybe not just a normal breezy breeze but a thunderstorm filled with lightning kind of breeze, the kind of breeze that marks the end of a road and the start of a significant journey. (then it isn't a breeze anymore is it?)
Okay let's see what I'm supposed to say on such a special occasion, like hey, the last day of every year doesn't happen everyday, only like, ten times in ten years?

Maybe the usual reflection will do, but I'll reflect on the past 16 years of my life (which isn't a lot). :D
I think I've grown and changed over the past decade, when I look back and see how my 6 year old self thought, it's so different. Imaginations, expectations, dreams, goals, all slowly changed their form into a more specific one, or else, fail and faded into the background of memory.
But I do remember a certain dream I held, since, I guess 6 or 7?
It was to perform at the esplanande. I didn't know how on earth was that even possible at that time, but when I look back now, I have 3 esplanade backstage passes, thanks to choir. So I guess it's considered as a childhood dream come true. :D
There had been many weird aspirations and thinkings I had, such as being an astronaut (there was a time I felt that I just had to go on the moon once to feel zero gravity), thinking that I could earn a living by playing with barbie dolls everyday, believing that barbie dolls and other toys came alive at night (thanks to enid blyton, where gnomes are cute), really believing that there was santa claus and that he came riding on his reindeers and my wish socks were clipped high at the window hoping that he would see them, and other childish things.
Of course, I grew out of them eventually, entering primary sch with a naive mind, going through secondary sch with a bad pride of mine, and I hope the jc me will be an improvement, with good qualities retained and enhanced, bad qualities BYEBYEDON'TCOMEBACK and to grow into someone that pleases God not man.

And as I look back, I really see that God is good, His plan is perfect, far better than I ever imagined.
In pri sch, I really liked music, but never have I thought of getting into choir, and especially AHSCHOIR where music unraveled even more for me. I still thank God for the scar on my back, although I never would have thought that I will undergo an operation when I was 11. All the things that have happened have shaped me, through a way that I would have never imagined, and it was also the best, most suitable way by God.

So byebye childhood and early teenhood, I hope 17 will be a different and special year, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for my life.
Must be really atrocious in a good way. :)

From everlasting, from beginning, or ever the earth was.

2011-12-27T15:23:00.002+08:00

Okay the retreat experience in a nutshell...

Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. Isaiah 40:28

Council BBQ 2011:

We successfully built a sandcastle without any tools, except for a ruler and a bottle for water. Wanted to build a mini replica of the school compound, but gave up after the main gate and the guard house, haha. :D

Of course, a council gathering can never be without laughter, jokes, pranks, silly & unexpected happenings

Lastly, the most awaited, CHOIR CAROLLING @ Esplanade!! What added on to the excitement was that they invited us to sing on Christmas EVE... when the crowd gets bigger as the night gets older. (Much appreciation to the people hanging around town for the countdown)

Denise we look different yet same after 2 years!

Sang for 3 sessions, half an hour each, my feet were protesting in pain after the whole thing, not to mention someone's sole dropped onstage (and we kicked it back to the owner as we sung, very discreetly). The songs kept ringing in my mind long after the performance, especially "Born is the light of the world" I really love that carol. Oh and the simple yet important rule applies: DO NOT put anything near esplanade backstage's mirror bulbs. They are not only hot, they burn and melt through the bag and leave burnt scars on skins.

After the carolling...

Fullerton hotel looking good as usual....

Gone awAAAY is the bluebird, here to stAAAY is a new bird. He sings a love sOOOng as we go alOOOOng, walking in the winter wonderLAAAAAND~ :D

I wonder what's in store for the new year...

So that's the past two weeks, and while building sandcastles during the council bbq, God made me realise that we're all like sandcastles. The sand needs a HUGE amount of water for it to be stable and not crumble, and a lot more pressure needs to be applied to get the desired shape. We too, need a HUGE amount of God's word in us so that we remain stable in the face of adversity, and God is like the sandcastle builder. He compresses us here and there, chips off bad parts, and it's not comfortable for us, but the end result will be BEAUTIFUL. But how many times do we actually allow God to have His way on us?

It's going to be 2012 soon!

Stay strong

2011-12-22T11:35:00.000+08:00

Just a small peek of the last 5 days...

A getaway with the people I love to a Kampung-orientated place. Surrounded by mosquitoes and fleas and dead moths everywhere, the humid heat waves, and no-sun sunrises, I survived. :D I will definitely miss the tiny wooden hut, the non-soundproof walls, beating drumbeats on the walls and sending paper messages to communicate with the next-door people, the cramping of almost all youths in my tiny wooden hut on the last day which sent my room people on a cleaning frenzy right before people started entering, morning prayers, the steep slopes, shouting and running about with the sunday school kids, the dipping of legs in the hot spring, passing food around the table, and many others. Although I didn't really enjoy the place itself but the presence of beloved people helped a lot (at least there was a water heater and an air-con) and time flew amazing fast this year, and it felt kinda different as compared to previous years.

Will post more hilarious photos the next time.

P.S.
I'm going carolling this saturday!

Gloria, gloria, in excelsis deo

2011-12-16T18:37:00.003+08:00

Walked down orchard road with xuan on wed evening, didn't take much photos, but it's heartwarming to just walk beneath all the beautiful lights. :DAnd God is faithful, he expanded just $20 for me, to sustain me for the whole day AND to get something I really needed. He knew it all along. :)

Went for the last carolling session today, and I must say, it's really nostalgic to be a part of big chords (and to be able to hear your own voice) and I don't know how can I ever get over the feeling of singing in a choir. Ohwells...

On a brighter note, I'm off to church convention in KL tomorrow! Won't be back till next wed.I don't even know whether I would use them eventually...(Old T)

(New T)

But nevermind, I'll try to use them for the kids. :P

And the most exciting thing ever:

The keyboard is the first one I ever used, before the electone, so the keys are... yellow, but suprisingly, everything is still working fine. I can't really remember playing any song on the keyboard before, except for my first song, which is basically made up of the middle C only. The electone is the one that accompanied me throughout my childhood/a big part of my teenage years, and I guess the piano will accompany me throughout my last few teenage years and young adulthood. It just keeps getting bigger, I realised. :) Been trying to play easy piano songs, but it turns out it's not easy. I guess it's time to exercise patience, determination, practise and practise, and to sweat it out (literally,too) in order to improve, because nothing reaps without sowing.

So now, it's a new chapter for me. :)

Feeling the Fill

2011-12-11T22:14:00.003+08:00

Went to the National Museum to view the art exhibition all the way from paris!!!

It was great, everything was the original piece shipped from paris. Great for art lovers at least.

Friday, went to a classical organ concert at esplanade with xinjie. (Pipes and Pedals by Marc Rochester)

My first time watching/hearing a live classical organ and I WAS SPELLBOUND by the sheer acoustics.

The bass, and individual pipes, the volume control, how you can hear each individual note in a mess of chords. Our ears and eyes were kept glued for 1hr 30mins, no intermission, although the people in front were dozing away... There wasn't alot of people attending too, but nevertheless, I enjoyed it very much.

I liked the gothic suite, last part, toccata the best. :D

And on the way back to the mrt...

SEE THAT.

Anglican high school choir carolling at esplanade concourse, must go!

I also realised that there were other good choirs invited to sing on other dates too...

And last (or is it last last?seems so long ago) sat's choir farewell...

Little people went, but at least for the first time in known history mr toh made an appearance. :D Really glad.

So these days are pretty exciting.

And my 2nd pen sketch:

As you can see, the proportions are out, like the left little tower leaning... I'm a bad architect.

Next week is going to be filled again. :D

The silent thumps of a heart

2011-12-08T10:37:00.005+08:00

This is not a laze-around week I am sure. But I really love the things that are filling my day, and the pickwick papers prove to be really satisfying read, although the plots are kinda messy but I enjoy the english, and I hope I can finish at least half the book before its due date. :P

So for something to share for now:
(fyi these are 3 different parts, not the same video)

So this is arvo part's Sarah was Ninety years old, based on the bible story that sarah conceived a child at 90 years, and the whole piece depicts the scene, or maybe, the background, unseen feelings of sarah.
The first part of each part is just filled with drum beats, then voices, without words.
Last time I used to get really impatient with the beats so I simply skipped to the singing parts but this time I sat throughout the whole piece, trying to decipher the whys and hows of the music.
Then it suddenly hit me that the drum beats opening each part is not just drums to calm the listener or whatever, but they actually represent footsteps, or, after much pondering...

heartbeats.

Yeah, it first started out with just a few thumps, and the silence in between probably meant that sarah was still in disbelief, since she was still kinda calm. But as the music progresses more instruments were used and the pause shortened, because she realised that it wasn't a joke that she is going to be pregnant.
Of course, the "eerie" voices following each phase meant something too, but alot of it cannot be put into words, and I don't think they were meant to freak the listeners but to depict how sarah herself must have felt, and how the atmosphere of her heart (there's a difference) must have felt too.
So the music ends with sarah's heart filling with amazement, and awe for God, as the few last soft notes suggest, after that loud, display of her.
But of course, these are just my own interpretation, maybe the real one is entirely different, I don't know, since the internet seemed to have zero real music explanantion/interpretation for this piece, only for the technical parts.
And it's just amazing how the drum beats can pull an earnest audience's heart beats too.
Now I don't dare to skip any passages anymore haha.
His music isn't about pleasing the human ear, but to tug at heartstrings, tell me which other composer can do that too haha.
And I believe, the voices melody were composed to compliment the drum beats, not the other way.

Okay that's all for now!

Compressed excitement

2011-12-04T22:54:00.002+08:00

Okay this week is going to be another busy week because I'm determined to settle for a piano by this week.
Choir farewell yesterday, sad to leave, but I'm going carolling in public!!! (For like, the first time ever)
So anyway, compressed excitement is what I'm feeling now because I've done quite a bit of piano research on the internet and I feel that the Yamaha u series is sounding good, at least for the price and quality, so I'm going plaza sing tomorrow to check out the pianos AND prices and so I'm feeling excited. But at the same time, it's compressed because somehow I know I'm gonna get disappointed by the prices (there isn't a reliable quote for price on the internet for sg, weird) when I see them in reality but at the same time I still want to keep my hopes up that the prices will be affordable after all because the quality is good, no doubt. *pleasepleaseplease*

So that's all for the short jumblerumbles from me now.

Waltzing through time

2011-12-01T20:57:00.003+08:00

It has been an eventful period of time, with activities one after another, it seemed even more hectic than the exam period.
Nevertheless, it was a satisfying period of time.
So let's see... hmmm it all started with a church chalet, with almost everyone staying up for the whole night, waiting for the sunrise at the wrong direction but in the end no sun appeared, a church wedding, then HONGKONG, and when I touched down back home, I learnt a shocking piece of news that choir farewell is this coming saturday.
So this whole week has been packed for preparation for farewell, doing the whole choir's farewell notes (terribly exhausting), getting clothes etc, not to mention I met up with council peeps for a while. Yay.

So there are many photos, or maybe the word "many" cannot satisfy the magnitude of the number of photos accurately, concerning the abovementioned events, but still, I'll just post hongkong for now:

In HongKong, if you are an art fanatic like me then this is NOT TO BE MISSED.

Paper stamps. Complete sets are a gazillion times cheaper than what you can ever find in singapore.

We also visited Noah's Ark, which was really huge, and all the space is used for alot of related exhibitions but most of them is like, global warming themed. And the place was like a maze, we had to really find our way around.

Night scene...

The hightlight of the trip is hk disneyland!
Okay it is kinda small if you don't take the rides the whole place can be toured in just a day. So we did.
Disneyland was magical, everywhere is like a fairytale book come alive, so... exhilarating and pretty.

Oh though we didn't take rides, we did watch musicals, and I must say they really have standards.
All the dancing and stage play really captured the audience, and to think they had to repeat it every hour, is unbelieveable. The money for the tickets was really worth it.

^ Yeah I also wondered whether Tarzan's muscles were real...

Sleeping beauty's castle, in which an amazing world of dolls from every country was displayed. I liked it!

The first pair of boots I own. :D

Happy Mickey during the parade.

Since it was the Christmas season, there was another special parade in the evening, and they sprayed out snow-resembling-but-it's-actually-soap into the air to liven the atmosphere, and it caught inside everyone's hair, like mine:

At the end of the day, there was a great display of fireworks, so bright and amazing and BIG, I even had to squint my eyes at some. So overall, it was a nice and memorable trip with my family.

This break has been great so far, and I recently went to the library to borrow some good reads, among which was The Pickwick Papers by charles dickens, although it's said to be an entertaining and humorous book, it's actually kinda thick too, and I wonder if I will have the ability to gobble it all up before the due date or not haha. And I haven't even absorbed the first page yet.

And Cerys' photos from the last time...

End.

Off to HongKong:D

2011-11-20T21:46:00.002+08:00

Yep, as the title reveals, I'm off to hk from monday to friday!!
Quite looking forward to it, but that fact I-have-to-miss-my-prom is quite a bummer. :(
I know it's gonna be amazing, and the secret suprise (I KNOW) is quite a good add-on to the atmosphere (hope no one abuses it) and all the last goodbyes I have to miss.
Hmmmm nevermind, at least I don't have to crack my brains and wreck my wallet for an outfit and wonder in futile whether I'm over or under-dressed. Haha.

Byebye!
(Okay I know the status update pic on the left needs to be changed, but I'll leave it there until I come back)

Over and Done with :D

2011-11-16T21:07:00.003+08:00

O's FINALLY over.
Like 100% totally.
Even if some papers feel a little uncertain, at least I'm certain that I've did all that I can and done my best in producing productive work on the exam papers.
And God showed me that I MUST NOT limit Him in prayers, which means I have to allow Him to work His perfect plan in my life by not insisting stubbornly that I want to go VJ.
So yeah, I changed the way I prayed, that whatever results I get, which school I'm going to get in, all depends on Him now, no more VJ or die kind of thing. :D

And to celebrate the end of O's and the beginning of a new era, I went art shopping with Cerys today!!!
Actually the art shopping part was unintentional.
We didn't even have a proper itinerary when we met, all we knew was to walkwalk around and hopefully take nice pictures.
But somehow the day revolved around art.
Went to beadspin, artfriend, popular and a scrapbook shop in simei.
The most important thing about going art shopping is to go with a friend that understands the art crap and craves that you have. Okay maybe not you, but me.
Alot of times I had to practically drag people along or people had to drag me away from all art shops until I am safely 1km radius free from the vicinity (I remember denise pulled my hair, HAHAHILARIOUS)
Okay but today I enjoyed art shopping and getting more papers (quote from cerys: You can never have enough of coloured paper) and I AGREE.

First proper stop of the day: (After spending a large amount of time at paper market)

Yeah esplanade.
Apparently I was made the "model" for cerys to practise her portrait photography skills (she's good) but no I'm not going to plant pictures of me here just in case your eyeballs pop out or your screen blanks out because I look like a ___ but we had alot of fun.
The fact that there was almost nobody around added on to the fun.

Then we headed to the esplanade library (which simply worsens my crave for a piano) and then back to city hall again for lunch.
Oh and on the way WE HAD DELICIOUS GELATOS.
I regret not taking a pic of the gelatos or the shop (it's along the city hall underground linkway) and they were having an offer of 2 for $4, when usually it's 1 for $6.
And they let you sample the different flavours FOR FREE.(I wanted to try them all since the guy scoops so big a sample but that would be so... cheapo and embarrassing)
It's really worth the money, more than worthy because it's so THICK and the flavour just shouts top quality. (Reminds me of Italy's) I don't know when the promo ends so if you drop by, keep your eyes open for the gelato shop.

Rewards from the day:

Everything costs less than $40 in total.
Bought my first self healing cutting mat (no more penknife scratches on my table), 3 micron pens for sketching, 1 calligraphy pen, and the rest you can see.

And the 4 packets of cute little pendants from beadspin. :D (It was so hard to make up my mind)

There is so much to do, concerts to go *rubs hands in glee* and so much to know.
I guess in order to not waste this period of free time, I have to read alot more, build up on general knowledge and vocabulary, and of course, time to get more serious with God.

Oh and tinypic is being very laggy, so cerys, your other flower photos I'll post in the next post k!

:D

Amourpropre

2011-11-10T14:44:00.004+08:00

a·mour-pro·pre [a-moor-praw-pruh]
noun French.
self-esteem; self-respect.
Origin: literally, self-love

Okay YES on the highway to the end of O's! *speed accelerating...zoomzoomzoom!!!*
Fast.
Although it seemed like the ancient times since O's started but it's finally ending. *HI-FIVE to you*
Thank God I've been sustained and well-taken care of from above.
No coughs, no headaches, no nerves, no sweaty plams, and most importantly, no stress. :D
Okay maybeee there's still a little stress but compared to BEFORE O's and all the monstrous prelims this is nothing.
Left it all to God.

I remember me begging God that I wanted to take this final hurdle as a chance to learn how to depend on Him and Him only and I wanted to soar on wings like eagles with Him above the storm and experience how is it like to really "soar above the storm". It practically means that the storm is still happening but I'm soaring above it with my favourite person in the universe how cool is that.
Yup and I felt it.
God never lets the righteous to be ashamed, God never fails in His promises and God never changes.
It's a great, fabulous, wondrous thing to be able to know someone who is above all the things of this world and to be able to get help that would actually help.

I know it isn't really really 100% over yet (there's still the mcqs) but I literally feel like I've soared over the moon and the thunderstorm is losing it's moisture already.
I can't believe I'm actually intact (physically and psychologically) after all the nerves that I had before.
You see, God never leaves anyone in the lurch.

Throughout this period of... hmmm let's call it "the pressing and squeezing of man" I've learnt alot.
Prayed a whole lot more too, though it makes me feel really guilty and also makes me wonder if I'm using God only when I need Him, so must continually pray more.
And God also showed me more about pride, my pride.
I think pride is my biggest challenge. Now.
Stepping into the "16 going on 17" period is like, wow, big change, like there's so much more in the world to conquer and experience but heyheyhey this life shouldn't be about me, but God.
Am I really giving up myself totally, surrendering everything to be a vessel for proper usage or am I trying to live the way I want it and using God just as a surface cover so that I'm still able to reserve a part of me for myself?
And the same question appears again.

Am I seeking to exhibiting more of myself or God?

This is why the title is chosen.

Amour-propre (lit. "self love") is a concept in the philosophy of Jean-Jacques Rousseau that denotes a self-love that depends upon the opinion of others. Rousseau contrasts it with amour de soi, which also means self love, but which does not involve seeing oneself as others see one. According to Rousseau, amour de soi is more primitive and is compatible with wholeness and happiness while amour-propre arose only with the appearance of society and renders human beings incapable of being happy within society. -wikipedia

Subconciously, it is inevitable to behave in such a way so that we can retain the title of a God's child, and at the same time, also fit into society together with all the behavioural norms.
But no, if we're not careful and keep a sharp eye out for all the little foxes that spoil the vines, influence comes.
A bad thought of thinking "it's okay, everyone's like that too" leads to an exhibition of self that says "it's acceptable in God eyes to be like that" when it's actually not.
What's acceptable isn't for us to define because man changes, what's not acceptable yesterday could be accepted today, and slowly, standards change too.
But will God's standard ever change? No I don't think so, it remains the same yesterday today and forever. If God changes, mankind wouldn't have survivied till today at all.
So, am I changing, altering my standards and acceptance level according to how the society changes? If the society says pursue your dreams, live it out loud, am I going to seek to fulfill that just because everyone's doing so and hope that God will catch up after me?
The answer is a definite no, but the real answer in which we reply through our lives might be ambiguous. Neither here nor there.
Grey might not be black, but it definitely isn't white.
So since grey isn't white, it's black, and it can't be accepted.

Any ambiguity in anything that requires a right and a wrong is Wrong because it isn't right.

But somehow the present society sets it's black and white in what is not black, not what is not white.
Confusing, but that is the very method to create a space for the alteration of acceptance levels.
Then slowly slowly, the yesterday's black becomes today's grey and then it turns to tomorrow's white.
(It can be seen in everything. From fashion to music to language to behavioural norms, all changed over time)

So back to the case of pride (oh my I totally digressed), it's something that has to be reduced to zero so that God can use the vessel to His plan.
Not the plan altered by us to suit our present desires, not the plan influenced by society, not the plan created by us only for God's approval, but His plan.
The one and only, no more versions or copies can be found anywhere.

So now, it's time for the breaking. :D

And hmmm... you think it's time to change my blogskin? :)

嗨！

2011-11-09T21:46:00.002+08:00

我知道以上的标题佷 lame 但我真的想不到更好的了。
明天是高极华文，所以现在用华文來强化思维。
十年來的华文教育终于到了终点，真的希望自己能极格。

大家加油吧！

（我知道我这 post 佷好笑不要再笑了 okay!)

Almost.

2011-11-06T22:26:00.005+08:00

Although O's isn't officially over we're almost flighty already (By tues I thought it was the end of the week but somehow the week seemed to stretch for eternity)
Well, at least going back to take a look at this year's council bonding camp was good, seeing the lovely familiar faces was good, acting crappy and all like how we used to was great.

Almost there, and then the GREAT RELIEF shall come.
Can't wait to fill my days up with things OTHER than studies.

Almost there, just hang on for another 2 weeks!

Meanwhile...

It simply amazes me how others could just dap some colour here, dip some water there and splishsplashsplash with the brush and WOAHLA! out comes some breathtaking artpiece.
It's more than just filling in colours, it's more than just the 2d thing you see on the exterior, it's like, knowing what the picture needs to bring it alive, and how to get to that, using just colours as your tool of revelation.

I'm totally, absolutely nowhere near that.

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings

2011-10-27T18:48:00.002+08:00

Okay the title above is just a random songline from the Sound of music.

Just sidetracking a little...

I found this really cool artsy page and website called Behance.net and its really FILLED with inspiring art styles and things from amateurs to professionals to big companies.

Here are just two items I found superrrr (there is just no vocab for this kind of stuff) COOL.

Clickclick and take a peep!

Illusion and Surrealism

SML

I really like the animation one, makes me want to learn it too and create cute characters!!!

Here I go on a vanishing act again for the next few days. *kaboom!*

The moment of dawn

2011-10-23T22:51:00.003+08:00

O LEVELS START TOMORROW.
English first, and I don't know why but somehow I feel really uneasy about it after looking through all the past papers and throwing random guesses for one-word topics that might come out tomorrow in the air.
Inspiration comes to me most of the time, but that does not put a firm guarantee that it'll come tomorrow.
Okay snap out of it Angeline, God's listening.

So I shall stand firm on the phrase "you reap what you sow".
But what if I haven't sown enough? :(

Anyway, everything will fly past like a ZIGGLYZANGFLY.
And then it's time to dread the release of results.
What if I don't see what I expect? :(

O levels doesn't seem very promising unlike all the others posting on fb and sending smses.
Or maybe it's just me.
But I REALLY don't want to receive disappointing results again.

Haiya, seeya all after 4 more weeks then.

At least I know God controls everything. Things that I can't handle He won't give it to me.

Bitsy piece of update

2011-10-15T11:28:00.003+08:00

Okay this post is just for a short update, no photos because I haven't uploaded any to this laptop but I WILL after O's haha.

Been journey-ing to the national library at Bugis for the past 2 weeks. Yes, everyday except for weekends.
Of course the journey wouldn't have been so enjoyable and short without Cerys' accompaniment.
It's a good thing to be cooped up there, because for that 5 or more hours I can only focus on studying, since everyone else in my view is also studying. If I was at home I might get attracted to the internet or maybe even the bed. And I like high ceilings. :D Alott.

Okay so life's been mundane, I aim to go VJC (honestly I don't know what I'll do if I didn't get in), not because of the choir though, haha everyone thought so, I don't even intend to join choir again. (Ahs choir shall therefore be my first and last)

I'm going to push for this final lap, and I will free my brain from all bondages of studies and enjoy life like how it should be enjoyed, before a whole round starts again.

Let's see my list of to-dos (for now, not exhaustive):
-Go Art Friend and replenish my scrapbook supplies
-P.I.A.N.O.
-Shopping?
-Make scrapbooks
-Borrow good books from library
-Clear/reform/renovate my table area (transition from sec sch to jc needs a good transition, a classy one in fact, just wait and see)

That's all for now. I guess.
Oh and as the day nears, my interest for piano deepens.
Can't wait can't wait can't wait to lay my hands on my own piano and go for piano lessons. Another thing to my prayer list: A good piano teacher. Whoots~

Prized possessions

2011-09-26T08:00:00.003+08:00

So I shall post my prelim 3 compo up because I really did not expect to deserve the marks. I didn't choose the one word titles like I usually will because it's "Green" and I really did not know how to cook up a fabulous storyline that will leave an impact on the reader with "Green" so I decided to choose this:

What are your three most prized possessions? Why?

I didn't give much thought for it because I thought I could only do only for one word titles so when I wrote this, it pretty much felt like writing my blog here. Haha. I just babble on and on with anything that comes into my mind and finally churned out a decent enough story.
And I know teachers always tell us to read through our compos once we've finished to check for grammatical errors or spelling but I personally do not like reading my compo again. Weird right. Because I think that if I read it again, I'll feel that it's inadequate and it gives an embarrassing feeling when I read my own compos.

Much of this is faked up, emotions and reactions, in order to win the heart of the marker haha. But the things are true though.

Okay here goes:

Prized possessions reflects a person’s character, nature and attitude towards life. Everybody has different opinions on what should be really prized, but I believe it is not the object that should be prized, but the meaning and the life that the object brings are what makes it special and treasured. For me, my three most prized possessions would be my watercolour set, my camera, and my diary.
My watercolour set is a birthday gift from my parents, which took them a long time to decide because it was not cheap and I might get uninterested after a short period of time. However, the watercolour set has become my best companion whenever I had time to myself and the joy it has brought to my life cannot be put into words. I had fostered a love for art since I was young, and to possess a rea, professional watercolour set has always been a dream. Therefore, when the watercolour set made its appearance into my life, I embraced it with such zeal and love that my parents found it hard to believe.
I like to immerse myself into the world of art, and watercolouring poses as a portal to bring me out of reality. Through each stroke of the brush, I find myself abandoning all the burdens and stress reality brings and just focusing on creating a work of art. I love how my hands move in tandem with the splashes of colours and I always work towards reflecting how I felt about a particular scenery, not just copying whatever that is offered in reality. Therefore the paintings I painted might have purple oceans, green suns and pink clouds, unusual from reality but original from my heart. I take great care of my watercolour set, treating it as though my life depended on it. I never allowed anyone to touch it without my permission and yes, it is always clean and sparkles like new.

(Obviously the "sparkles like new" part is faked, look how dirty it is now.)

The second most prized possession would be my beloved camera. As a child, I had always been fascinated with toy cameras and disposable cameras, the way they capture and freeze a particular moment had always intrigued me. My camera allowed me to capture moments in life that are worth remembering, because once a moment passes, it cannot be retrieved again. Therefore a camera helps to keep these treasured memories, giving it a chance to be relived in someone’s memories. I like it how once the shutter clicks, a memory is kept forever.
I would not boast of my photography skills as I am still an amateur, but I do love being the one taking photos at any special event or gathering. When I take people, my primary focus is to capture the atmosphere that accompanies the people and when I take scenery, my primary focus is to capture how I feel about the place. I print most of my photos out, because storing them ina computer might not be forever, but if it is in hardcopy, it will never be destroyed. Since I got my hands on the camera, I hardly went anywhere without it.

Lastly, the third prized possessions would be my diary. I began writing in diaries since I was in primary school, and it had became such a habit that I could not imagine life without diaries. Writing in a diary reflects a part of my growing up, therefore my diary encapsulates a part of me, reflecting my thoughts and feelings at a particular stage of my life. My diary is always kept safely away in a drawer, never handled by anyone except for its owner, which is me.
Up till today, I still write in diaries, although there are blogs and video logs available online now and a sixteen-year-old teen writing in a diary in this generation might seem unusual. I believe writing down my heartfelt thoughts helps me to decide and respond more effectively in life, and it is very precious to me. If there was a fire in the house, the first thing I would retrieve would most definitely be my diary.

(All the diaries I've written in. Filled up every one of them, and suprisingly, I NEVER bought any diaries for myself, it just happened that when I finish one, someone would buy another one for me as birthday gifts etc. The last two diaries are super topsecret haha, because it marks the end of my transition from pri sch to sec sch and there's just alot of crazy stuff that happened.)

My prized possessions might not seem “prized” in another person’s eyes, but they are treasured because they reflect a part of me, and my life would not be so exciting without them so closely intertwined with my life.
Angeline Cheng En Ci (2) 4J

Mini photoshoot

2011-09-24T12:40:00.004+08:00

Okay putting the "On hiatus" pic last post wasn't a very great idea after all.
I won't be posting as regular, depending on my mood and whether there is content to post or not, so it's still Hiatus, just that I might or might not post for a few weeks.

It's been a long time since I did some arty stuff and when the "spark" came, I did it again.
I set up a mini photoshoot studio right on my table with a black wrapping paper and the only adjustable light for effects was my table lamp.
For ahs peeps, the photobook I used might be familiar haha, given free by the goodygoody celebrity alumni, in other words, I claim ZERO credit for the scenery photos.
This time, it's travel around the world and taking pictures.

It's been a long time since I visited a museum...

All photos edited at Picnik.com and uploaded at Tinypic.com.

End.

Just a little while more...

2011-09-22T20:42:00.012+08:00

Confession #1: I CAN'T WAIT TO GET MY HANDS ON A PIANO.
The thought of it spurs me on to study real good for O's and get a piano. The fire of passion burns even more wildly everyday. I can't explain how much it'll mean to me, the feeling of reliving a part of the soul that fell into a deep sleep, the feeling of being able to create a space between colours and watch them move and overlap, the private space where only me and music exist. I don't care whether anybody understands how I feel towards music and colours anymore. I just want to move my fingers and sit in the midst of colours again. It's been a long time. Although I would rather trade it for playing the electone again because nothing, nothing can ever ever replace the feeling of conducting a whole orchestra's piece and how I wish I can continue playing my soul out but when it comes to a dead end with reality and $$$ written on the other side I know it'll never happen again. It's okay, I'm over that phase already, adapt and move on. Pianopianopiano. Total anticipation. :D

One day if I get my own big house with space and enough $$$ I will get a black grand piano and a classy stagea and a whole bookshelf of scores, all placed in the living room.

It's funny how dreams that you start building from childhood stays with you the longest, like "I can feel it in my bones I'm meant for this" kind of thing.
And it's funny how even when reality attempts to put a full stop to your childhood dreams, your soul fights against it all the way.
I remember how I once told my mum I'll learn all the way to the end and get a grade 3 and be a professional someday. But somehow it ended at grade 5.

Subconciously still fighting hope against hope against hope.

I want a piano. pianopianopianopiano.

Confession #2: I have this potential pimple on my nose (WHY THERE AGAIN YOU TELL ME) and I can feel it growing and it's dream is to become really big and stay there for a long time, making me feel self concious and reluctant to step out of the house. (and I really dislike it when insensitive ppl just have to point it out to me when I am conversing with them because obviously I know it's there right smack in the middle of my face. can't they just ignore it? okay maybe good female friends I won't mind, but others who happen to not fall in that category will create a stimulus that says,"ignore that person for the next few days." haha.)
So now I'm spamming my oxy cover. AHHHH. All the troubles of a teenage girl, this just got to be the worst.

Results?

2011-09-14T22:16:00.002+08:00

Nothing can replace the feeling when I know my english compo has once again touched someone's heart, which in this case, the examiner.

It's the 3rd time my compo is required to be typed-out (you know what that means). :D

I love it.

But I think I am only good at writing. That's all. Really.

Silence between the chaos

2011-09-10T11:41:00.002+08:00

And.... TADA! It's the end of sept hols.

This week has been quite packed full of activities, friday came so fast I didn't even have time to plan for anything else.
Went to sentosa, play badminton, studied, picnic @ pasir ris park, rollerblading and tons of laughter, watch 4D movies, photoshoots, playground at night while waiting for bus, embarrassing moments at a fitness corner, cooking and smelling like garlics+sweat, sleeping in.

Okay I guess it can be considered a real Holiday.
Took so many billions of photos but well, it's a little inconvenient to post it up here (though I would really like to) and there's complicated reasons due to the people involved so no nobody I went out with is mentioned here. Secret. :)

Then again, maybe there's no harm in posting pictures without people inside...

I think my photography skills has improved... *confident smile* :D

Consuming Fire

2011-09-03T12:34:00.003+08:00

Thursday was teacher's day, so some of us decided to go back to primary school to take a look.

The whole class of 40 in 6.1'07 turned out like that.

Chatted for a while, then me and xuan went out to orchard! Main aim was to shop but in the end there wasn't much of a shopping-trip-harvest. Only bought like, 2 bracelets and a headband. Ohwells, but at least we had the whole day to catch up on one another. It's been soooo loong xuan!

And it turns out we wore the same pair of gladiators out.
But hers was half-ed price compared to mine, with more blisters and 5 plasters while mine only required 2. :D
And it was the first time both of us were wearing the shoes out. Can't be any more similar. :P

This song, or rather, the chorus part of "Consuming fire" kept ringing in my head for the whole week.
I couldn't remember the whole song and it was ancient years ago since I heard it so only the chorus part repeated.
And this morning, while croaking in front of the laptop playing the guitar I found it!

Very powerful.

At the same time, I found another many years ago song:

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You

Lord, will You be my vision, Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart

I will follow
I will follow
I will follow You

Singing/putting worship songs in repeat mode in my head really helps.
When there's not much to draw hopes from, it's always the songs that brings me back to God.
Fulfilling and satisfying.
Filled. :D

A moment yet to be certain.

2011-08-31T19:49:00.004+08:00

Okay I totally understand me posting after leaving this blog quite dead for more than a week is really disappointing so just wanna say "Sorry."

But on a brighter note,

Prelims 3 is officially OVER!!!!!

I'm so over the moon because my brain can finally take a breather.
I've been a good girl studying everyday and absolutely abstaining myself from all forms of going-outs and what not. (other than the baby invitation) *pats myself on the back*
:D
But I'm not really looking forward to the getting back of results because I can feel it in my bones that it'll be disappointing, and my position number might increase by tens.
Back to square 1. :(
To be honest, sometimes I don't know what am I studying for. (I know it's weird hearing this from me, but seriously.)
Really.
Why I came to this conclusion was because one day I did some thinking and I realised even if you were to tell me that I would become the bottom of my cohort the very next day, somehow it didn't hit me hard because I realised I wouldn't mind to be the last in studies. At all. The only concern is just my pride, how am I supposed to face myself and the people around me.
I know it's for the good of my future, a good degree will be advantageous and everything that what people usually say.
Yes, I know that very well myself too, so I am studying hard to climb as high as I can, but I don't know, since I can't really feel what I want to do in the future, it might also be the reason of pride.
The yucky pride that I have, to study so as not to lose face, just so that people won't look at me as lousy, but someone with potential. That's all.
I know it's such a shallow reason, but is it better to have a reason to push myself to study harder than not having one at all?
Or is it better to not have any movtivational reasons at all to study than having such a shallow one?
Well if you can enlighten me on this aspect of exams, I'd be glad to accept and change.

Life as a teen is so complicated.

Well okay, I shall allow myself to be brainless for this week, and when the sept hols come, I shall embark on a studying journey again. (Haiya, all for the sake of pride. How shallow.)

Amused and ashamed at myself at the same time.
I don't really don't know what to major in my future. (actually I really x100 want to do something that involves music and art at the same time, but it seems that this dream is something waiting to be discarded. Again. Just like the dream I've known too well for a decade, thrown away just like that. Harmless, yet pointless to dream.)
Maybe I was wrong to dream such an ambitious dream in the first place. Too ambitious for reality I guess. (ah brain, stop reminding me.)

"Maybe it's just wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming~"

I'm starting not to believe in dreaming anymore. Seems like nothing is gonna come true for me.

Way to go, brainless days ahead. :D

Babysitting

2011-08-21T17:35:00.004+08:00

So yesterday exco got invited over to mr yeow's house for his 3rd child, emma's baby shower.

And guess what? We ended up playing with his kids (and mr tong's kid) for the whole time, playing their toys.

Attacked by Amos.

Cuteness overload by Joash.

Father mother son.

Wah buaytahan.

Who's the monster?

As I said, we ended up getting fascinated by their toys.

Looking on...

IT'S THAT GUAISHUSHU FACE AGAIN!

Trying to decide who's the monster.

Not our fault not our fault.

So after the short commotion the playcorner was deserted of kids.

So again, we had a short game of monkey. (seriously, who are the kids)

Trying to coax him into drinking water.

Fight again.

ASDFGHJKL!

Obviously planning an attack.

AMBUSH!

I'd say this is the cutest pic ever.

Saying byeee....

end.

The uncomfy feeling

2011-08-12T22:21:00.007+08:00

It's August 12th already, prelims 3 starts in 3 days time.
3 DAYS.
Not only that I am totally unconvinced that my As are secured, my time is flying off without me knowing.
Sometimes I really think I'm, getting distracted at the wrong times, but sometimes I think those distractions are the perfect pause times for me to grab hold of myself firmly to continue on in reality.
Okay as you can see, this is a post just to show that I'm still alive, just that there isn't much life for being alive (like hey, staring at the same words over and over again doing the same maths problems again and again until I want to puke).
And sometimes, no matter how matured and sensible I picture and regard myself to be (I am okay), I still fall into the exact same trap as sixteen-year-old teens. Hais angeline, wake up wake up wake up it's reality you're living in!!! Stop dreaming!!!

Not to mention, the confirmed news today of having a prelim 4. Okay. I'm really being cool about this. Let's just hope I'm still in a sane state after going through 4 rounds of exams, even before the real one.

Okay since I'm in such an unstable mental state now I shall rant and spill gibberish for once here.

Recently I picked up the guitar and I started playing. For fun. It's fun. Just don't mention it in front of me because I'm really amateur-ish just look at how my family laughed like almost dead ducks to the slaughter when I strummed my first chord. Maybe it couldn't have been a strum, more like a BIG WHACK. Like, BAM! Ouch, the ancient guitar said by protesting with loose out-of-tuned strings. But to make up for the damage I simply sang louder than usual to cover up for all the weird notes and I think my voice sounds better with an untuned guitar because it tunes back the guitar. Oh wells, it's okay, better than those who strum and nothing comes out WAHA and I love playing it okay, just don't ask me to perform for you or anything because it's just... really bad I would say. I find myself irritating and annoying when I'm under stress, to the people around me because I show a side of me that cracks people up not for long (just ask denise) and I am the best distractor you can ever find in this region. Wanna be distracted from studying? Just tell me and I'll just be me. Oh and recently I got a letter from NUH politely requesting me to be a lab rat. No la, to test for some genetics in me to find out more about scoliosis and all I have to do is to spit or get my cheeks scraped out layer by layer (of course the latter sounds weird). Sounds really good for just $30.

Okay time to get back on track.
:D

60 cents worth of fun

2011-08-04T19:20:00.003+08:00

When you find a pretty wrapping paper selling for 60 cents...

You buy it, cut them up into strips...

And wind them around a toilet roll for keepsake. :D

Then one day you take them out and with a spark of inspiration from nothing...

GET CRAFTYFARTY!!!
I had so much fun okay, I really LOVE doing these kind of things.

Stack them up and have a photoshoot!

Probably it's due to the mundane life now, anything crafty brings life to life.

Now there's a problem, I realise I will just keep making all these crafts and they'll be stashed away not showing itself to the world.
Kinda worthless if they don't get used.
Hmmmm... maybe I shall sell them one day.
HAHA.

Want to know how to make them?
Click HERE.

I haven't forgot.

2011-07-27T22:20:00.003+08:00

When restlessness due to hours of mugging at the table emerge...

Done in half an hour.
Using uniball UMR-151(0.38) on a random scrap of an envelope.
Watercolour too.

I've been blog hopping around on artists' blogs, especially those on urbansketchers, and I finally gave in to the urge to sketch something, and finally, mustered enough courage to use ONLY a PEN.
Which means once the ink touches down, there's no editing.
Not bad right?
Considering it's my first time drawing an urban scene with INK, not pencils.

Oh and after much blog hopping, I think this is one of the best:

Pete Scully
His sketchworks are superrrr detailed and the uncanny resemblance to a real photo is amazing.

And a new item to add to my never-ending wishlist:

A true blue moleskine watercolour notebook, last time I wanted a normal moleskine, but now my taste has upgraded.
But I don't remember seeing it anywhere... never mind, after prelim 3 I shall search for one.
Then I shall create opportunities to sit at weird places in singapore or anywhere I go, and sketch everything down.
Better than taking photos because when I draw, my mind is an absolute blank, no more thinking of anything, not even music plays in my mind. Even if there's a music player nearby, when I draw, I block out the music, I realise.
Pure bliss to take a step back from thinking too much.

:D

And that's just the start

2011-07-24T22:40:00.005+08:00

Today I was reminded of this song:

Puts a smile on my face. :D

A few days ago I had a really weird and freaky dream.
I can't remember the sequence of events, but I know it felt different because it was a very adventurous kind of dream, the kind that feels so close to reality.
It was something about God coming back, the impending doom and the nervous tinge in the air throughout the dream.
All I could remember from that dream was how I felt the moment I opened my eyes.

The feeling of the absence of God.

It was so so SO horrible. (The intensity of the "horrible" word is inadequate)
The moment I woke up, I really thought God had come back already and I was left alone.
There was this feeling of emptiness deep within and the thought that God isn't "there" anymore was indescribable.
It felt as though I didn't have anything else to live for, no hope, no one to hang my hopes on, no life.
Then I thought about how I would go to school in the morning knowing God has left and what I could actually do without Him.
Nothing. I can't even do amath without Him.
I actually thought of all the christians I knew and I wondered how they were feeling at that moment of time. Did they even know God has left?

Suddenly the word "I" didn't even exist anymore.
I couldn't be the girl full of life without God.
It's like, a lifeline being cut away.

Of course it wasn't real, if not I think I wouldn't have survived and blogged this up.

Never want to experience that again.
In reality or not.

Racial Harmony Day 2011

2011-07-22T21:49:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since primary school I've dressed up for racial harmony day, but since it's the last year already so JUST WEAR LA!
The sec 4s are the most enthusiastic and sporting throughout the whole school, with half (I think) the cohort wearing ethnic costumes.
Alot of Indians.
It was so FUN!
Spent the day doing henna for others, the whole class wasn't in the mood to study so most of the teachers just gave us light activity (even the bio test was postponed :D).

Okay all below photos credit to Pinyi's awesome dslr (and himself) from facebook.

I did that on myself!! :D

And I did Cerys' name and the henna on her hand too!!! :DD

Happy Racial Harmony Day 2011!

Words tickle me

2011-07-20T20:52:00.006+08:00

Okay I just realised the above pic has nothing to do with what I'm posting, but how can I post without photos?

Okay I guess I won't be posting much often now, so I guess you can come once in a week or if you're lucky, then twice because PRELIM 3 is in 28 days and O'levels is in 92 days.
Just look at how time sweeps you away like a helpless cork in fierce torrential waters.

So today I shall post about my type of english.
Random topic, because I can't find much interesting things to post about so I thought it would at least be beneficial for YOU (and other stalkers) if I post something that would leave something good for you to take back.

Here goes.

I LOVE CHARLES DICKENS. (what a confession. you might be even thinking who/what on earth is he/that)
Like really totally because I think he is a genius with words.
Although I only officially own one book of his (A Christmas Carol, I keep re-reading it), I AM AN AIVID FAN OF HIM.
The way he uses words to evoke/bring out a certain type of feeling in you, making you feel like you've stepped into another place totally whenever you read his stories, is AMAZING.
I like to read his works in hardcover style, like the book is really in my hands because I like to read in comfortable positions and I like the smell of old books.
Whenever I feel like teleporting into another country/setting just to escape from reality I pick up his books.
His words have a deeper meaning and it's actually hard to decipher what he is trying to get across at some parts so I have to read in between the lines, and see how the words are placed and used.
And he is quite philosophical, so after coming across a wonderful phrase/sentence that holds some deep meaning, I actually pause momentarily to try to understand the philosophy behind the words.
I started reading his books since primary school, and his stories created a imaginative environment for me to roam about.
And since he's English, most of his stories are set in old England and I felt like I actually travelled there when I read it.
In my opinion, the best writers are those that are able to potray their intent of a story as close to reality as possible, so readers can feel like they are really THERE in the story, standing side by side with the author, watching how the story unfolds magically before their eyes.

It's just how magically real it feels.

I like A christmas carol because I loved how England feels and looks like in the Christmas season.
The smell of roasted turkeys, children laughing under christmas trees, golden-lighted street lamps lining the rocky streets, and the soft velvety SNOW.
I would very much like to go back to old England and see for myself.
Maybe not, I prefer the picture created in my mind. AHHA.

The way he uses words to potray an image, is very attractive too.
I like the smooth flow over the pages, with his sarcastic sense of humour (sometimes, and I really enjoy it) and little bits of interesting facts here and there along the way.
I like the old english style kind of literature because it gives me a heartwarming feel when I read it.
There is like this matured sense of humanity in old english words, I feel.
Very authentic.

I LIKE IT.

But even though I like old english, my normal english standard isn't that high and I have an absolutely pathetic vocabulary bank.
Somemore there isn't much time for me to indulge in much good reads nowadays, one for the fact that there is a continual bugging feeling in me to use the time to study, second for the fact that I have the natural tendency to get hooked up to a book easily.

Aren't I lackadaisical?

Okay, I shall now infect you with my highly sophisticated taste in English by ending off with a few "deep meaning" quotes by charles dickens. :D

A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.

An idea, like a ghost, must be spoken to a little before it will explain itself.

When a man bleeds inwardly, it is a dangerous thing for himself; but when he laughs inwardly, it bodes no good to other people.

It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.

It's like, food for the heart and health to the soul, to read something heartwarming and "deep". Yummy.
Enough pondering?
Now for the best I've loved so far.

There are strings in the human heart that had better not be vibrated.

end.

In a blink, a wink of an eye.

2011-07-18T07:29:00.002+08:00

Disclaimer: This post was done yesterday (17/7) but I didn't want to have 2 posts in a day so I scheduled it to be posted today (yeah, blogger can do this for you you know)

-Start post-

So today I was typing my compo in the study room and the sky distracted me.
I quickly grabbed my camera to grab a few shots of the golden blue sky before I went back to my work again.

So around 7.30 pm, after finishing my work, the sky caught my attention again.
Like,"Hey! Look at me! Aren't I beautiful!"
So I was like,"Yeah! Okay I shall capture your beauty now!"
It was an amazing sunset.
I couldn't miss it for anything so I got my dad to accompany me to the 13th floor and THE VIEW WAS ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING.
My parents made the best choice for choosing to live in this block.
Unhindered view of the vast skyline.

Isn't it amazing?

And I managed to capture the last few moments of the sunset.

Gone.

It all happened in a minute, really, if I missed it, then the big red fiery ball wouldn't be there anymore.
Now I understand why photographers rush out of their houses whenever a grand display of a sunset comes into view.

Now that the sun is gone, anyone would think it's the end, but I decided to stay a little longer to see the after effects.
And I didn't regret it, because, after the sun had set, the backlights of the sun's glow made everything look even more grand and majestic.
Just watch.

Due to my nikon's 21x zoom and 14.1 megapixels, I was able to zoom all the way into the sky and capture moments of colours, without it looking blurry at all.
I think all of them look postcard-worthy.
:D

Last photo I took:

I took in total of 100+ pictures, and I'll jump at any chance to go up to the 13th whenever the sky calls out to me again.

Most of the photos are unedited because I couldn't bear to edit them at all, except to watermark my name.
Pretty not?

Time to say goodbye

2011-07-17T14:07:00.006+08:00

Council 大家庭.

Friday night was council's farewell, my 4th farewell, the only farewell I'm going in as a V.I.P.
It was a really eventful and memorable night, from 6pm all the way to 10++pm, watching videos, phototakings, hugs, laughter and everything.
It's one of those nights that leaves a nostalgic feeling lingering in the atmosphere when you wake up the next morning.

Okay so this is the whole process.

Preparation, the day before.

Exco went to buy presents/ingredients for cookies, then headed to sarah's house to bake.

Cuiwen's unglam habit of eating chicken wings. haha.

Decorating notes for juniors...

When we reached sarah's house, it was already like, superr late, just before 6pm.
Andrew daniel linjing sarah started on the cookies, me and shujun did the AWESOMEAMAZINGDAZZLING pubtions' gifts.

I shan't mention what actually happened behind the scenes, especially to the baking dough handled by daniel...

Our hardworking results...

End product.

Our farewell gift to you all, hope you all will continue to grow as independent, influential, matured-thinking, role-model material and joyful leaders.
The 5 different coloured stones represents your vivid imagination and creativity that you would need in pubtions, and all of it stands for "I [heartsymbol] FUB" ! but we didn't write ...it down because we want you to be able to imagine and know it's there, just like how when the journey gets tough, you have to know the love for council is forever there even though it doesn't seem like it.
Lastly, every single pendant is different and special because we tied and pieced and glued everything from scratch, none of them is identical. Shows that even though every single one of you is different and special in your own way, you all still hold the same identity.
What lies in the future might cause your love and faith in council to waver, and there'll be times when you wished you are a nobody, but as long as you all stand together as a comm, encouraging and supporting one another, you'll find that all your efforts will be worthwhile.
Don't forget us! :D

Everyone loved it okay!!!

On the special evening.

Gathered at G.O at 6pm, later than the usual time due to rushed presents and teachers' gifts, but little did we know the juniors weren't ready yet.
So we ended up waiting for them to be ready.
We were underdressed by the way, due to some discrepancies and in fact, the theme was "Prom Night" but look at us, all in pants. Ooops.

After a million years, we finally got invited to the tower hall, and we were made to enter in pairs.
As expected, cuiwen and caihao took the lead and "registered" first.
I think we made quite a big deal about it since everyone was singing the wedding song "dang dang dangdang..." and cheering and clapping and the juniors were smart enough to make them exchange ~~vows~~ I mean, roses.

(Like r.o.m hor)

Entered the hall (amazing job in deco!), took our seats, watched performances and cheered spontaneously along, then dinner.

Pubtions' sec 4 seniors.

Our traditional council-sit-in-circle dinner. For the last time.
Before we started eating (I told you we made a big deal out of the tcw and ch thingy) we gave our blessings to "the couple" by having a SUPERDUPERULTRA LOUD and LONG "yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......m SENG!"
You would have been deaf if you were there, it was so hilarious.

After dinner was games, pubtions lost terribly due to fail blowing of balloons and we weren't heavy enough to sit and burst a balloon, until chin-sao came over (guess the reason) and the balloon finally burst.
Then it was exchange of gifts, and phototakings.

The 2 great successors of Pubtions' commhead and vice-commhead.
From 2 girls to 2 guys, what a change.

Pubtions!

43rd and 44th EXCO!

One of the MANY fail jumpshots...

Played with mini fireworks for a while...

The only 2 brave guys from the whole sec 4 batch who willingly and spontaneously took off their shirts when the emcees asked for 2 shirts.

That made pubtions win that particular game. HAHA.

But still, that moment was like, totally shocking because nobody expected someone to react so fast to "TWO SHIRTS!".

It was as though they didn't even think before stripping in front of everyone.

I'll never forget that.

Presents

Given by Wesley and Shaun (my two amazing successors), so thoughtful!

So this marks the end of my short 4 years journey with council.
I really love and cherish all the councillors, be it juniors or batch mates because everyone played a part in my wonderful memories in council.
To me, council is like the place where all matured, potential leaders-of-leaders gather and form this big wall of support.
There isn't anybody who would complain, shrink from responsibilities, be biased against anybody, gossip without thinking because we're all wearing the same red tie.
With my batch mates, I've grown and see how the others grow from small immature people to leaders in their ccas, and we all grew together, there isn't who didn't grow in their thoughts since joining council.
With my juniors, I saw the dangers of not putting my best in nurturing them, and we all tried our best to use the right way to discipline and teach them, so that they would one day grow into great leaders and carry on the good work.
With pubtions, I had the chance to realise I like art alot and there were many opportunities for me to use my creativity to impact the school, and I really enjoyed the jobscope.
I'll definitely miss the working atmosphere of exco because it's the only place where everyone puts their best in organising and solving problems, and of course, the only place where the people I work with has the same level of maturity.
There were times when we didn't see eye to eye, but we don't jump to conclusions or say things that hurt one another, but instead, we worked together to find the optimal solution, and nobody gets targeted in the process because we all know scolding/hurting someone is never the right way.
And in the end, really, everything turns out fine. No regrets.

So I guess this is why I joined council, where everyone grows in maturity after 4 years, and most of us became leaders in our own ccas, which is a good indication that we've all grown.

:'D

End of post, not all photos are mine, some koped from facebook.

Sensibility, and the putting down of you.

2011-07-11T20:48:00.006+08:00

Today's devotion is Psalms 112.

1 Praise ye the LORD.
Blessed is the man that feareth the LORD,
that delighteth greatly in his commandments.
2 His seed shall be mighty upon earth:
the generation of the upright shall be blessed.
3 Wealth and riches shall be in his house:
and his righteousness endureth for ever.
4 Unto the upright there ariseth light in the darkness:
he is gracious, and full of compassion, and righteous.
5 A good man showeth favor, and lendeth:
he will guide his affairs with discretion.
6 Surely he shall not be moved for ever:
the righteous shall be in everlasting remembrance.
7 He shall not be afraid of evil tidings:
his heart is fixed, trusting in the LORD.
8 His heart is established, he shall not be afraid,
until he see his desire upon his enemies.
9 He hath dispersed,
he hath given to the poor;
his righteousness endureth for ever; 2 Cor. 9.9
his horn shall be exalted with honor.
10 The wicked shall see it, and be grieved;
he shall gnash with his teeth, and melt away:
the desire of the wicked shall perish.

One who shows kindness to others without fail is the one who will be blessed, at the end of the day.
Sadly, not a lot of people around can actually put themselves down for others, as the saying goes, "every man for himself".
So when was the last time you showed kindness to another human?

Of course, one would have to do it with "discernment" too.
Common sense is put into all of us by God, but I think, true and wise discernment comes from the relationship with God.
Whether you're hearing from Him enough affects your discernment in everything.
People who truly hear and wait upon the Lord get wisdom, because the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and if there isn't a good relationship with God in the first place, how could one know Him enough to fear Him?
Sadly again, though many know God, they just stay stagnant there, because somehow they know they'll need to sacrifice a little more of themselves everytime they get closer to God.
But to exchange the temporary you for eternity with God, I think it's worth it.

Jesus
Others
You

God has been showing me how maturity goes with His wisdom, and how people reject it unknowingly, subconciously, because of the fear that they might have to put themselves at a disadvantage for others.
Kinda sad, isn't it?

Oh and for girls only, I came across a really cool and wise post about behaviour.
Through the waters

It's time to wise up, everyone.

Catching up

2011-07-10T14:58:00.006+08:00

This whole week was...crazy.
Had little sleep before exams, and I really felt burned out by friday.
But it's okay, there was investiture to spice everything up. :D

Went out with sangtian on sat afternoon, a long awaited go-out haha.
We mostly talked and... talked and visited the esplanade and took pictures and I bought 4 ribbons from paper market. :DDDD

Photos:

Rejected by the door.

Fake poses...

If you're wondering whether the blur shots are on purpose, no it's not.

It's just that my nikon's macro focus is TOO GOOD that it focused on the grass instead, so I had to crop.

We bought the same $1 bracelet at Rubi, lol.

There are more photos but some are just too unglam and too much photos isn't very appealing.

This coming week will be catching up on millions of homework and coming-up tests, but I think it'll be fulfilling, because I have God.

Never younger than now

2011-07-09T11:14:00.008+08:00

Warning: This is a picture-heavy post, if you're the kind that feels nauseous after scrolling over gazillions of photos of the same few people, then.... too bad. ;D

So yesterday was council investiture, the last time for sec 4s.
Everyone was feeling nervous because we knew we wouldn't have another chance to go through all these again.
I almost slipped on the oily tables, but I managed to keep a very straight face and continued to walk on. AHHA.
Of course, the fun always starts after the real thing.

I'll let the pictures speak for itself. :D

I really love this photo :'D

Noob smiles of senior members....

All girls photo...

All guys photo...

Preparing/queuing to go into the Haunted, oops, I mean Hunted house. :D

We went in laughing at all the ghosts, so it wasn't scary at all, just that someone inside threw a paper ball in my face.

So after investiture was adam khoo workshop, then we gathered AGAIN, and most of the sec 4s were playing cs in the eagle's nest so the rest of us started camwhoring HEAVILY with huiwen's apple laptop, playing and trying out almost all the effects.

Super cool.

It was as if we were kids once again, we'll all sqeeze in front of the webcam, then choose an effect, and we all went "OOOOH...." and "WAAAAA...." and "WHOAAAA..." together and when some special effect came out, we all started flapping our hands wildly to see how it appeared.

HILARIOUS MUCH.

With the effects, we travelled all the way from the 4 walls of the eagle's nest to beaches to watch the sunset, to times square to sweep the roads, to antartica to watch penguins, to the big big blue sky and sit on the clouds.

Below are ALL CAMWHORNG SHOTS. (don't say I didn't warn you...)

All photo credits to huiwen and facebook, of course, this isn't all so for more, go facebook.

At the end of the day, we managed to endure 4 years of council and emerge still as bonded as ever. :D

Psalms 108

2011-07-05T22:25:00.006+08:00

Once again I've failed to adhere to my decision not to post till friday at least. :P
Itchy fingers.

Okay quick post on my devotion today:

1 O God, my heart is fixed; I will sing and give praise, even with my glory.
2 Awake, psaltery and harp: I myself will awake early.
3 I will praise thee, O LORD, among the people: and I will sing praises unto thee among the nations.
4 For thy mercy is great above the heavens: and thy truth reacheth unto the clouds.
5 Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens: and thy glory above all the earth;
6 That thy beloved may be delivered: save with thy right hand, and answer me.
7 God hath spoken in his holiness; I will rejoice, I will divide Shechem, and mete out the valley of Succoth.
8 Gilead is mine; Manasseh is mine; Ephraim also is the strength of mine head; Judah is my lawgiver;
9 Moab is my washpot; over Edom will I cast out my shoe; over Philistia will I triumph.
10 Who will bring me into the strong city? who will lead me into Edom?
11 Wilt not thou, O God, who hast cast us off? and wilt not thou, O God, go forth with our hosts?
12 Give us help from trouble: for vain is the help of man.
13 Through God we shall do valiantly: for he it is that shall tread down our enemies.

Notice in vs 1, the psalmist says he will sing and give praise even with his glory, which shows that he claims ZERO credit for himself even when some ego booster comes along his way.
How many times in life do we really NOT consider ourselves as the main achiever in all our achievements in life and solely recognise God as the one to be taking ALL the credit?
Even when our mouths say "To God be the glory", does our hearts agree totally, or do we still reserve a teenyweeny bit of credit for ourselves?

Still in the midst of learning.

When I read vs 3-5 a really old song popped into my mind, and I was blessed by the lyrics and the chorus was on repeat mode in my head.
Yes, the Lord is to be exalted all the time, not just sometimes.
He is the only One able to bring us out of any kinds of trouble , from small to big.
And guess what? He is interested even in the very little thoughts and decisions we make.

Here's the song I found on youtube, enjoy.

A habitual nerdy withdrawal from... the world

2011-06-29T18:55:00.009+08:00

Okay I shall be officially taking a break from blogging till next friday, you can either maintain your regular visits here and be utterly disappointed or you can try looking for another victim to stalk. (nah just kidding)

I know Prelims 2 isn't much BUT since it isn't much, there is no reason why I should treat it lightly.
At least I have to prove to myself that I can be disciplined enough to study everyday, and night.

Okay last post before I go on a disappearing act... what should I post about?

AHHA. *random lightbulb turns on*
Since it's about studying, I shall share about my studying habits.
I can only study ALONE, without anyone talking, even the music playing in the background must be absolutely instrumental, because any form of human-sounding words or babble that sounds like human chatter disrupts my chain of thoughts.
My optimum ~~temperature~~ habitat is my very own table with my very own bubble space in my house. (If you're thinking about temperature like I'm an enzyme, then it would be room temperature with an occasional cool breeze)
Of course, I'll still plan little visits to the kitchen for extra push for motivation, like chocolates or a Magnum Mini (it's my favourite ice cream now) because I strongly believe that stimulating the salivary glands stimulates the brain too, so mind blockages or digression will happen on a rare scale.

I know some people prefer to study in a group, but for me, if I ever study in a group, I'll end up being the one yakking and blabbering away, distracting everyone from getting info into their brains because people around can only mean one word : "fun".
So to be absolutely focused, I need to be ALONE. (I can't concentrate even if somebody passes behind me, or someone talks in the background with words that I can decipher)

And this is my bubble space, where my brain comes alive with sparks of imagination and inspiration, where interesting ideas are being generated, where I can function like an AngelineCheng.

I totally love sitting beside the window because there'll always be cool night breezes and the opposite block never fails to bring across piano music.
The bulletin board in front of my table also reflects the mental and emotional state of me at that moment.
It's appearance had changed over the years, (it's still changing) with multiple mini hello kitty posters and childish drawings being constantly replaced by photos and cool stuff that evokes precious memories.
It's like a reflection of how I'm changing as I grow older.
My space is actually also the place where I find my motivation not only to study, but for everything else I do (like painting and writing gibberish), which is kind of ironic, considering that many people around thinks that home is their worst place to study in.

It's okay, everyone's different and I think best sitting at my table.

So how about you? In what kind of environment can you think/function/or-at-least study well?
It would always be best to be in your own optimum environment from time to time, not only to study, because then you can always find out more about yourself and do things that is beneficial for your well-being (I sound like a terrible salesperson) like reading the bible or enjoy your hobbies.

:D

To make this post seem more interesting, I shall reveal 3 random facts about me that people don't know (unless you're a really close friend of mine...)

1. I joined basketball for a whole year in primary school.

2. I edit my posts at least 5 times (I'm not kidding...) before I log out of blogger. (To check for spelling mistakes and to correct weird-sounding crap)

3. I listen to music mostly with my left ear (earphones plugged in at laptop or my phone... all only at left ear) so my left ear is actually much more sensitive to sounds. Weird right?

Lastly, what can be better than ending a post with a cool artsy pic?

And it's taken at my table... ;D

P.S. You can expect a BOOMZXC post next friday, I'm sure I'll have many interesting content-filled things to blog about. ;D

Stop dreaming start living

2011-06-27T21:51:00.003+08:00

What I wore on sunday:

Haha these 2 pics keeps getting reblogged and liked on my tumblr. Success!

Okay I know I haven't been updating much because there isn't much to blog about anyway and I don't blog for the sake of updating, I blog if there is really content that I would like to share.

For now, just a few intelligent humour bites: (I like humour that comes with intelligence, not just some duh-old humour that makes no sense)

Big-headed people:

And in my opinion, the most interesting and most-funny:

Haha I like how the reporter brought out the statistics of kings then.
The vocabulary he used is very wacky too.
FUNNY!

P.S. I'm currently sick with a throbbing headache, so school is not for me tomorrow (that's it SS), and I can't even study because no information can go in my memory space without being accompanied with bolts of lighting pain.

Changed blogskin!!!

2011-06-24T13:28:00.003+08:00

I DID IT.

It always takes a lot of courage and determination to change a blogskin.
Right now in front of your eyes is my new blogskin!! WooHOO!!
It has been largely edited (as usual) from the original as it was done in 2 days, so unlike the me who would keep editing and editing for months before I put up a new one.
I'm going for a simple, yet colourful and spacious-feeling kind of skin, because... I don't know, I just felt like it. :D

Oh it looks WAY MUCHMUCH BETTER in google chrome, just the way I want it, all the centering and font spacing. Internet explorer sort of jumbles it up. :/

P.S. I'm getting better at html codes now... buahahaha.

A Magical Night

2011-06-22T10:39:00.006+08:00

Yesterday night was my last concert as an ahschoir member, next time I'll be in the alumni choir already :P

Photo credits to facebook.

IT WAS AMAZINGGGGGGG!!!!

:D

Okay I shall start from the day before.
So the day before the BIG NIGHT, we (me pohyi charis denise) went out shopping for the whole day. (amazing right)
It's the first time we're really going out together because of clashing timetables and such.
Me and charis started off from tampines, then went to bugis for lunch, then orchard (which had aloooot of sales), then dinner at wisma, and home.
The initial plan to go to far east (I haven't been there before) was scraped due to time constraints and the fact that we have to conserve energy for our juniors the next full day restricted us.
Well it's okay, there's still after O's to look forward to. :D

Photos photos:

Taking a break at sour sally's to rest our super tired legs and backs...

Look at Charis' tired face

Rewards from the day:

For those who went to the concert, doesn't this ring a bell??? ;)

Okay now this is yesterday:

Alumni choir and choir practice.

Haha joanne was sitting beside me, I'm the one trying fractically to hide my humonguous pimple which evolved bigger on the day of concert.

So when we reached esplanade, time was at hand and everything was to be done quickly.
The dry runs and rehersals were TIRING MAX.
We didn't get to sit, only stand and half of the time we were not even singing because of all the lightning sequence and adjustments to the stage.
At the end of torturing 3/4 hours of just standing at our positions, we could finally eat, put on makeup and have dinner in just 45 mins.
Makeup time was only 15 mins and I'm glad at least I appeared on stage with decent makeup.
During makeup and changing into costumes time we were all rushing here and there, our hearts thumped whenever the announcement said "for the concert hall, the house is open now..." and "15 mins to showtime..."

At esplanade backstage:

Okay I bet you were as suprised as me that denise could fit in the super narrow lockers...

I did denise' eyeliner. :D Pretty not?

The lightbulbs were blazing hot that it burns paper. REALLY. I was sweating and felt like my face was getting sunburnt while applying makeup.

THE SHOWTIME.

While lining up in the dark hallway, standing just where the door opens, I admit I was really nervous, like my heart was about to be jumping out anytime.
Chloe was enetering the stage first with me, so we were both trying to calm each other down.
When the door opened, I took really cautious steps and walked really slowly because I was so scared I would trip, and spoil the image of the choir.

Sang O magnum mysterium with alot of nerves (altos forgot to come in for one part) but at least everyone was blending.
Beatitudes, my love, O holy night was fine I guess, I couldn't really concentrate on the quality of the songs because I was only focusing on my projection.
When the choir left the stage before th alumni choir, I had to RUN FOR MY LIFE all the way from one end to the other and emerge as calmly as possible. I was so worried they would enter the stage without me falling in line. :P
After alumni's Kruhay (loud), I had to RUN AGAIN to be the first to enter from stage right, and while running, take off my bells and whatnot... PHEW.

The intermission was scarier.
Most of us went back to our rooms with bloodshot eyes.
Dripped eye drops, touch up on makeup, then went back up again.
After the intermission I wasn't scared anymore, I really did my best and I didn't crack onstage like I usually will!! :DD
I pushed all my energy to project my voice and pure as possible, I could hear myself and I liked how I felt onstage.

End of concert.
When everyone went backstage, alot of tears, screams, hugs, claps, were exchanged.
Too bad I didn't have time to bring my camera up to snap all the precious moments down, but when mr tan said "I thought it was really good" everyone screamed and shouted like there's no tomorrow.
It totally removed the heavy burden in my heart that we would do a bad performance again, after so many not-up-to-standard performances.
We are definitely a GwH-worthy choir. More than that actually, our sound is so much matured and rounded.
So this concert ended off on a good chord, everyone left feeling high, so different compared to the last limelight.

After:

Alot of my friends who came said that it was good, even non-music appreciators didn't fall asleep.
AHS CHOIR we pulled off a quality concert!!!

Ending off...

Esplanade backstage passes for 2 times, you can't get that from anywhere. :D

To Prepare

2011-06-20T08:48:00.004+08:00

Just in case my stalker juniors come (haha I know hor), here's some videos of relatively good and exceptionally good choirs from youtube performing songs we're gonna present at the esplanade.
Short post before I head out to search for ties for the guys. (hot pink anyone?)

O Magnum Mysterium (wa the voices are so in tune and blended well, you hear no jarring tones or anyone sticking out)

Adagio in G minor (the most BOMMZXC song with live strings!!! )

My love dwelt in a Northern Land (okay it's not exactly how we're gonna do it but since it's the cambrige singers...)

Kruhay (by alumni choir, notice the bells...)

Lullaby, counting frogs and Hana, can't find on youtube clear-sounding ones.

Credo (by alumni choir)

Kalinda (it's the 3rd song, LOOK at how they MOVE... still say I move alot, they move even more lor)

Sure on this shining night (warm and nice)

Male chorus Dirait-on (sorry not posting cos I dunno what's good and what's bad :P)

I am not yours (might have to turn up your volume, I think we're capable of this sound)

The Conversion of Saul (another BOOMZXC song with foot stamping, listen to their last chords, so tight and blended)

Female Chorus, Tundra. (sorry I can't find good ones on youtube, I only know I am the one blasting all the superrr low notes)

Ubi Caritas

The Spheres (okay ignore the bad visual impact, otherwise I think they quite strong, though we're not gonna hit the song like they did)

Sanctus (sustain sustain sustain...)

Okay I guess that is almost everything, please please please rest well, protect your voices, no shouting screaming, sleep early, drink water, pack all your things, and wake up fresh and energised!!!
The fight is only at night, so remember to take everything easy in the morning, and SING LIKE IT'S YOUR LAST!!!

Okay bye.

A time for everything

2011-06-17T22:03:00.004+08:00

Today it just hit me that tomorrow is my very last choir prac.
The last time I'll step into the room as a singer, the last time sitting at my side of the room, the last time I'll be able to stand and sing for warmups, the last time of all the little stuff and habits.

:(

Never mind, at least I'm thankful for the fact that there is still this concert to end off with, not just syf.

Oh and denise and me saw this pretty little orange butterfly flying and resting on a flower while walking outside the school gate.
I quickly whipped out my phone and I caught it!!!

Oh so delicate right...

And the reason why I am so hyped up over charis' b'dae card:

I bet you must be thinking how shockingly stunning it is.
^^
It's my first really successful card. :DD

Okay I guess I won't be blogging till after the concert (I hope).
Will be back with the nice pictures of esplanade's backstage!!!
(Like helloooo, how many times in life do you get to enter esplanade as a Perfomer and enjoy all the backstage view and stand on esplanade's stage??)

P.S. Those who bought tickets from me for the first round of bulk order, your seats will be the first row of the back part of the 1st floor. (this shows that even before choir bulk ordered, the floor seats are all taken up already???!!!)
Turns out that there are alot alot more audience than we've imagined...
Bring your binoculars if you want to spot me, because I'm at the last row for all songs. (yeah!)

While clouds dance across the vast eternal sky

2011-06-16T18:06:00.006+08:00

The title is a line from Tundra, a song we're going to present at the esplanade next tuesday night.
It's a really pretty song with heart-wrenching melodies, not forgetting the fact that I am the one blasting all the low notes like some man. (low F here I come)
That line is stuck in my head, with the violin part because it's just so beautiful.
I don't know whether I'll cry onstage when I sing or not, because it's my last performance with choir and choir held so much memories for me.
Everytime some random familiar chord appears I always think of all the feelings, experiences, cherished moments with choir, all the music we made... and I feel so so so sad that I'm actually leaving.
I don't want tuesday I come so soon, not because I'm afraid we'll do a bad job, but I think I'm like subconciously not wanting to let go of choir.
If the songs get too intense on tues, I think I'll just cry while singing.
It's my very last concert in that midnight blue gown. :'(

Okay enough ranting.
Today is charis' 16th birthday!!!!
I've never made such a pretty scrapbook card for anyone before, the colours turned out so amazing and I completed everything in 2 hours (success!)
Happy Birthday girl!!!
So to celebrate her birthday, me her pohyi denise went to 18 chefs for late lunch after choir, talking and acting out rollercoaster rides. HAHA.
And of course, when at simei, that cheap scrapbook shop is not to be missed.
Ended up buying something, and painting it at home:

The sunset a few weeks ago... amazing, and reminds me of something ending.
If my watercolouring skills improve, one day I'll just grab a chair and paint the sunset down... itchy fingers whenever I see a beautiful scenery.

While clouds dance across the eternal sky...

Beautiful scenery always remind me of choir, because it reminds me of how magical music is and choir was the place where it opened me up to classical music for the first time.
It's like, entering into another world which only music exists, and only those who had experienced it will be able to understand that kind of connection with music.
Words are never enough, it can never ever describe completely the vastness of music.
Even the word "music" is too little to suffice. (Speaking of music, I'm taking up piano after O's!! How cool is that?)

But there's always something to look forward to.
If earth can be so pretty, and with music so unending, then heaven will be infinity times more beautiful, and if I get to be in heaven, then I'll be able to drown in music for eternity. (like hello, you get to spend eternity with the creator of music for eternity, something that a human brain can never comprehend.)

Okay that made me feel better. :D

Yay we're having a concert AGAIN!!!

2011-06-14T19:50:00.002+08:00

Okay just a short post to publicise for AHS CHOIR.

ANGLICAN HIGH SCHOOL CHOIR will be having a concert on 21st JUNE (next tues) at the ESPLANADE, 7.30pm.

We'll be performing music from all musical periods in history, from baroque (like beatitudes) all the way to comtemporary stuff (like glee).
It will definitely be a worthwhile and enchanted evening filled with quality music, you know you want to watch us. ;)
So grab your friends and family around and join us in this magical night of music-making!!!

To book tickets, you can either contact me (by this friday) or click on this link below:

AHS CHOIR LIMELIGHT CONCERT.

See you there!!!

Under Your wings

2011-06-12T21:26:00.002+08:00

Okay I know I haven't been posting about God lately, but I am still having a relationship with Him okay.

These times, God been reminding and nudging me more about my hearing towards Him.
Last week, or maybe last last, on a morning waiting for the mrt at the platform, I tried to untangle my earphones from my bag as usual.
Yeah I admit I mistreat my earphones everytime by just dumping it into the bag.
So as I was trying to untangle the earphones, closely scrutinising where the knots are and everything, God spoke to me:

"Is your hearing in a knot too?"

That hit me quite a bit, making me reflect on my hearing relationship with God.
With all the hustle and bustle of life, all the big strong noises from the world tend to be an absolute distraction, blocking out God's still small voice.
When there is no hearing, then how is a one-sided relationship going to be sustained? (yeah God is forever trying to get me, while I'm the one who is ignoring)

So it's time again to keep myself in check and reflect, asking God to search me too, because I need to know anything that is posing as an obstacle between me and God before I can move on again.

Oh and a small testimony:
God knows everything of everyone, from all your little pet peeves to the things that will make you laugh and bubble with joy in an instant.
Last week I was "shopping" for xuan's present (haha I told her already) and I didn't know what to get her.
And because I was alone in Art Box with nobody for second opinions that is accurate, the only person left to ask is God.
Yes, I actually asked for His opinion to buy stuff so I won't regret it.
So I was like,"God, I really don't know what to get for her, please show me what she likes..."
Then straight after that sentence, I looked down and *snaps fingers* I FOUND IT!!!
Haha I knew straight away it was God's choice and amazingly amazingly, the price (I shan't reveal) was EXACTLY what my budget was.
YES, EXACTLY not a cent less.
God, You always amaze me.

Never fails to bring tears to my eyes everytime I watch it.
:'D

What a smashing day!

2011-06-08T20:23:00.003+08:00

First of all, HAPPY BELATED 16TH BIRTHDAY CUIWEN!!!

Exco celebrated her birthday today by tricking her there was an acres meeting immediately after school in her class.
We had it all planned so well that she actually fell for it.
So the first part was accompanying her to brainstorm for ideas while the others said they had to go look for teacher first (to get the cake and candles ready).

I'm a pretty good actress okay, we "started" the meeting by discussing about ideas, you don't know how hard it was for me and caihao to supress our laughter throughout.
Then suddenly, daniel turned off all the lights and fans using "testing the power supply" as an excuse and linjing brought the cake in!!!

A very touched birthday girl.

The cake looked so cute right.

Yeah okay I admit that was forced.

She started the cake by eating herself off first. -.-

This is the part where the fun started.
I shan't say what exactly happened, but I guess you'd be able to tell by looking at the photos.

Look at the faces hiding a motive.

Begging for mercy.

Sorry no mercy.

OKAY enough, due to petitions I shall stop here, but I think it's quite obvious what happened next right???
The rest is rated PG.

Spent the rest of the day eating at white sands and laughing and pranking again.

It was a cool smashing day. :D

Good deals.

2011-06-06T21:05:00.003+08:00

That pack of 10 paper flowers bought at $2 at eastpoint today, which I think was a good deal because now I can paint the flowers with whatever colours I want, and transform it into a pretty embellishment for future use. :D
The middle button was part of a buttons set (see last post) which was cheap too.

YAY.

P.S. I have a tumblr now @ Amber Warmth.
Don't worry, I'll still be posting my life here, that tumblr is just a portal to share my photos and reblog photos/little things that I find interesting/attractive. No wordy posts there though.

Buttons Galore!!!

2011-06-04T14:32:00.005+08:00

I bought some buttons the other day...

A part of the collection comes from ourcraftplace @ eastpoint mall, 10 for $3.

And the rest came from an interchange hairband shop, the whole set for $2.50 only.
They compliment embellishments veryyy wellll...

So I whipped out my nikon and played with them, spilling and messing all the colours.

All edited at picnik.com.

There's still more, but I save it for next time, haha.

Smile:)

2011-06-03T21:51:00.002+08:00

Been busying myself with taking photos and spending some alone time doing what I enjoy.
There is SOOOOOOO MANYYYYx100000 photos I would like to upload and spam your visual mind but I think too many good photos all at once in a post won't make it special anymore.
So I shall take my time.

Smile people, it's only prelims 1, work harder because there is 2 more rounds to go!!!

How to make your own scrapbook embellishments

2011-06-02T21:47:00.006+08:00

Okay so in the previous post I mentioned about doing a tutorial since there are not many on the internet, and I know it's too costly to get it from stores.
So here's me to the rescue!!!

Materials you'll need:

1)The desired kind of paper for the paper flower.
2)Glue (wet or super glue, up to you)
3)Scrap paper
4)Scissors
5)Ruler
6)Double-sided tape
7)A cute button/jewel stud for the middle
8)Your brains

Step 1:
Tear a strip of paper (as long as you want, remember, the width is the radius).

Step 2: Fold the strip of paper up and down (like folding a fan).

Step 3: Place double-sided tape on one end of the paper.

Step 4: Bring the two ends of the paper together, like forming a circle, the patterned side should be facing outwards.

Step 5: Stick the double-sided taped part onto the other end, press to ensure it is stuck together firmly.

Step 6: Take a scrap paper (a colour that will fit your paper flower though) and cut out two circles, just enough to cover the center, not too big.

Step 7: Apply glue onto the two circles.

Step 8: Take the folded paper, gather the folds at one pole (north) with the base spread out, then press it down gently, it should form the flower already.

Step 9: Attach both the circles (with glue applied on) onto the centres of the flower at BOTH sides, so that it secures it from "popping" out.

Front:

Back:

Step 10: Apply glue onto the front circle, then put the desired button (matching colours please, not too big) on it.

DONE!!! You can stop here now, if you're satisfied. :D

The next part is to trim it to resemble a star.

Step 1:
Take the paper flower and identify the folds that are bent inwards.
Cut a diagonal line from the tip of the fold that is bent outwards to the inwards line.
Cut another diagonal symmetrical from the next fold, you'll get a cut triangle.
Do it for the whole paper flower.

End look:

You can add one more layer for a more 3-D feel.

Okay so you can use crepe paper to make them too.

Use 2 layers of different colours, and with the same steps as above, TADA!!!
The only thing is that since it's crepe paper, it means that it's soft and flexible, so I curved the circumference in to make it look glamourous.

Remember to always have paper to support the center of the embellishment, for BOTH sides. The bottom side's paper is also where it gets attached onto a card or something.

Take a deep breath and deal with it.

2011-06-01T22:27:00.004+08:00

When things appear disastrous, not as you've expected it to be...

Deal with it.

(I know the double sided tape left visible there isn't looking very glam, but that's just bascially the whole idea.)

Haha shall do a tutorial on that next time.
I started experimenting that because the embellishments (yes that's what its called) selling at urbanwrite and other art places are simply not-very-economical. (4 small pieces for $6??)
Since I can't have access to them anytime I want, I decided I shall make them myself , but I can't seem to find any good examples on the internet that are homemade.
So I experimented.
:D

To express clearly and politely helps in mutual respect, not just expressing obviously how you feel, because the other party replicates that negative mood too.

You can't have the best of both worlds

2011-05-27T23:14:00.004+08:00

As this week is coming to a close (well it's saturday tmr already), I shall share a little on what God had trying to make me see, from the people around me, the immaturity from supposedly-matured people (including me) and He also opened more of my eyes, like a sneak preview of how scary society (made of humans) is.

Man is such a selfish creature.
All the thoughts, feelings, self-pity, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, competition, originate from the same old source, which is the word "ME".
Me is a scary word, look at how applicable it is to us all... deep down somewhere all the time:
Me wants peace.
Me wants love.
Me wants popularity.
Me wants special attention from special people.
Me wanna the world to revolve around me.
Me is always right.
Me is humble.

And lastly,
NOBODY CAN RESTRICT ME.

Unless the old man puts away himself AND not just the act of putting away in an attempt to ignore the old habits/ways, but also replace it with God's nature, man will forever be man.
Because only God can cause a permanent change, but if we hold back onto a little of ourselves, the little of ourselves still returns with the old habits/ways, hindering God's plan.
Man cannot serve both God and the world at the same time, the phrase "best of both worlds" cannot apply.
It's a choice of either, with totally different consequences at the end.
The basis of our existence is actually to seek and serve God, putting all our worth (which isn't alot) into knowing the creator of the universe, because He longs to have a relationship with His creation.
You don't know how much God longs to have your entire being just for Him, not just a part or a corner to make us feel safe enough.
The extent of the love is too vast for human minds to comprehend.
Yet, humans think too great of themselves, seeking to please the body sooo much more than God, that God becomes just a part of life, not everything.

There is so much to learn, yet so little time.

Side-note: Yay there's alumni choir prac tomorrow morning, looking forward to singing with all the zai seniors again! Like finally, I don't have to worry whether the people around me are getting their notes or not, I just have to take care of myself. :DDD

Colours

2011-05-26T21:09:00.005+08:00

A suprise greeted us in the council room today, misstancuiwen actually made us all (exco) a gift, in her image to make us remember her "the little one", quoted from sarah. :P (and you realise the eyes are all one big one small)

So this is her.

Guess what made up the head? PINGPONG BALLS. (we all know who is related to it...)

It's supposed to act like an object which wards off the rain, but I guess I'll treat it as a cute art item. Heehee.

Went out with xuan today (finally yeah!) to tampines1 and visit urbanwrite.
Of course, I can't leave there without gaining something, so I increased my coloured paper stock by getting all sorts of textures and colours (almost the entire spectrum already), and I realised they are actually priced according to the weight.
Just mix and match anything, put it on the weighing scale and try to make the weight near multiples of 50 gsms, because every 50 gsms cost only $1.50, and 50 gsms is ALOT of papers, than if you actually buy it individually.
Yay happy for the day. :D

And here's my collection of watercolour paintbrushes.
Yes there is a difference between all paintbrushes because for oil paints, the bristles of the brushes are more rough and thick, while bristles of watercolour paintbrushes are made to absorb water and spread them easily, so it's much softer and smooth.

I bought 3 new ones from the Ashley Series, it's not cheap, especially the wide one (1 for $6.00).
It wasn't bought because I knew how to use it but rather, I bought it because it looked queer and special, even though I didn't know how to use it.
But now I know. :D
It's specially "widened" to hold more colours at one stroke, to blend everything intended nicely in one stroke of the brush. Yay I like it. :D

FL.99

The next one is a straight tip brush, quite small but easy to control.
I think it's for straightening corners or something like that.

A.55

Lastly, the one I've intended to get.
A really really tiny tiny mini tip brush to paint details without having to be careful of smudges due to stray bristles.
I got the smallest available at artfriend, it is SOOOO SMALL (and cute) that if you want any smaller brushes, you'll need to pluck them from your head.

970.

My nikon's macro focus not bad eh? ;)

My collection of brushes for now:

Starting from the left:
1- Pentel water barrel brush, Medium, portable and super convienient because it replaces the need for dipping brushes into clear water every now and then.
2- Ashley series A.55, straight-cut tip for clean lines.
3- China cheap brand, bad quality but cheap, intended for background washes.
4- Derwent watercolour pencils' brush, thin and light.
5- Daler Rowney's Aquafine set brush, a little heavy but easy to use.
6- Ashley Series 970, super ultra thin, for details.
7- China cheap brand, bristles all sticking out like a bird's nest, intended for large background washes, or big blending parts.
8- My favourite! Ashley Series FL.99, medium-sized, good for blending alot of colours at one go.

God's been showing me more on prayers nowadays, teaching me slowly, opening my eyes to see what's wrong and what's right, yeah I'm learning alot, but putting into practice is another thing entirely.
The first step requires boldness and courage, to have "reckless confidence" in God, but somehow we humans tend to hold back some things naturally, not letting go and trust God, and pray on the basis that our prayers will be answered.
It takes boldness and courage to really pray too.

Getaway

2011-05-25T14:47:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was cool.
Went to city hall first before meeting the others to visit artfriend, bought 3 weird-but-good paintbrushes as well as some miscellaneous stuff (cheap and colourful crepe paper!!) to stock up in case of art-crave emergencies.
Dinner at raffles city mall, got distracted by paper market, then walking a half-roundabout to the esplanade. No, we weren't late haha.
Immersed ourselves in vjc's choir concert, then spotting seniors in the crowd, okay their stuff were really AWESOMEAMAZING.
It's like even 1 small group of people can fill the whole hall.
In 3-4 weeks time, it'll be ahschoir's turn. :P

Photos:

After the concert, we went up to the balcony (due to my request) and "played".
The night scene was beautiful, and there was some lazerlight show at the singapore river.
I know the camera can't capture everything, because the waters were really sparkly and smooth.

Only scenery photos weren't edited, all the photos with intended humans-posing ARE edited, or else it's just totally black because the focus was on the night scene.

If you can spot 3 suspicious looking heads in the background...

Where the fun started:
All the photos without flash was absolute BLACK. So I edited here and there for visibility.

THIS IS THE ONLY SUCCESSFUL PIC (with the BOOMZXCS flash of my nikon... heehee blinded everyone)

Epic.

Okay that's all.
This week shall be the only rest week I'm ever gonna get.
From next week onwards, Back To Basics (which is studying and mugging of course).

Back to the norm.

2011-05-22T21:47:00.004+08:00

Been busy these few days, travelling to and fro, caught up in a whirl where I didn't even know what day it really was.

It was a sad occasion, but everything has it's own time, and when one happening ends, another one will rise.

Life will return back to normal.

Somehow I'm kinda looking forward to this coming week, a whole load of going-outs and doing things I've missed out for a few loooong months.
Hope nothing last minute crops up and spoil my plans. Hate it whenever it does.
Looking forward to tues especially, finally going out to esplanade. *cheer*
(Hmmm I shall secretly plan to visit the library and art friend alone first before joining the others. Hope no one going sees this, wahaha.
Oh and I hope I can get a snapshot of the night view too. :D yay)

Cherish.

2011-05-19T20:51:00.009+08:00

Today marks the end of prelims 1, 2 more rounds to go!!! (prelim 2 starts the 1st week of July, there goes my holidays...)
What happened after the exams:

Apart from all the hiphiphoorays and fanatic screams, we kinda, officially handed over (for council) to the next batch.
Spent 4 long hours in the conference room brainstorming for ideas till we all reached our saturation point, then went out to tampines to chill.
Dropped by Frolicks, talked a little about prom preparations (we're forever planning) and some crap, went to Manpuku for more ice cream, then linjing joined us, and we joked around.
Made alot of noise, jumped from random topics, pulled a successful prank on tancuiwen, laughed at everything under the sun like our usual chill-out days, then dinner at Carl's Junior,
remincising about childhood.
*Sighs* all the fun memorable times that we share.
We make the best exco combination ever.
Did I mention?
I fell down while journey-ing down the hill, hurt my knee (3 long scars to add to scar collection).
Basically I tripped over a rock and I fell knee-first to the rocky/sandy/veryvery rough ground, Thank God I didn't feel any pain though it was bleeding profusely like some faulty tap. REALLY.
Actually I didn't even know I hurt my knee until the exco peeps around were pointing and everything and making a big fuss, with daniel providing tissue (as usual), andrew holding my leg up and sarah pouring water over the wound just at the roadside.
What a sight to behold for passerbys.
Yeah so I went out with that red knee, but really, I didn't feel pain, probably too used to hurting my knee too much when I was young.

So this is the result when I reached home about 6 hours later I guess, it's still kinda swollen around the area but everything is clotted up already. I have a strong immune system. Waha.
(and I realised some blood actually splattered onto my shoe, after noticing mysterious red-spots on it.)
Sorry if you've just eaten, I bet I stole your appetite with the visual effect on the left and you must be feeling queasy now. Oops.

Of course, I wouldn't have survived the 3 long torturing, draining weeks of EXAMS without doing something out of the blue.
This time, I did some... er... art&crafty stuff I guess.
I don't plan when I do art, I just randomly, after a spark of inspiration, create something, then develop and see what I can do as I go along.
Because I realised, planning will only demolish the art, unless it's something really creative. :P

That's what I created, everything is done by watercolour, except for the words.
The fabric was from some leftover flower wrapper I bought from artfriend. Heehee.
Oh and I've been digging DEEP and WILD into artyfarty websites these few weeks, here are some with a good load of inspiration with art. ;)
They are all FULL of awesome stuff that will definitely keep your eyes glued to the screen for hours. How can anyone resist such creative works?

Lottie Loves
Ink and Wit
Oh so beautiful paper
Paper Crave

Kyleigh's Papercuts
Where the lovely things are

My ah gong went home to be with the Lord just this afternoon. Thank you to all those who prayed for him.

YAYNESS:D

2011-05-14T22:49:00.004+08:00

My new toy from today:

]
IT IS NOT A DSLR OKAY. (Looks can be deceiving)
It's a digital camera that looks like one, okay maybe much smaller in size.
It's functions are quite the same as the usual blue slim one I had, just that this is 14 megapixels (so everything is like crystal clear) and the shutter speed is much faster and it can zoom and focus nicer and better and it's NIKON (OMG) dun playplay. AND IT'S CHEAPER.

Look how clear my owl is now:

This past week was... indescribable.
Some papers are really good, like I felt like I did my best after submitting it, and some papers were killers.
One very good example is AMATH.
I felt like banging my head on the table when I saw the last question.
The paper wasn't as hard as I expected, I just needed more time.
And what's more, the last question came out last year, and I actually did it at home, BUT I forgot how to derive one crucial part of the question. :(
So I was feeling lousy and all that on fri after that paper so I decided to save the dying me by travelling to another place far away.
Well not really, because I just popped by the library and I went straight to the artyfarty section and I immersed myself in art.
I focused on public art and publicity methods, and I didn't know the library had SOOOOO many packed-full-of-amazing-ideas books that gave me sooooo much inspiration and 1 hour flew past like 5 mins.
I travelled all over the world in that hour, from france to england to austria to italy and everywhere.
I liked it.

Then I popped by a valuedollar shop and bought a pack of envelopes (20 pc for $1.50)and I played with watercolour on it. :D

And I made something REALLY cool:

Isn't my thumbprint cool?
Of course it wasn't my fingers which really did that, I used the paintbrush, with a touch of magic ;)

And that's basically how I cheer myself up.

Okay 4 more papers to go.
JIAYOU!

It's not about me

2011-05-08T21:03:00.004+08:00

I knew it, I wouldn't be able to keep away from blogging. :P
But I somehow have this urge to blog because I like sharing quality stuff with anybody that drops by, or things I hear from God.
And somemore people find my blog by searching for things such as "trusting God, hearing from Him" and stuff so yeah, cannot anyhow pollute this space.

God has been faithful and gracious.
All these while I have so many questions and struggles that many normal teens face nowdays in my mind, but God answered them all by giving me back a question.
Just one question settles everything in my head.
Okay I guess this only applies to christians, most probably girls, I guess.

So alot of christian teen girls, at this growing stage, face struggles such as dressing, image, and stuff.
Although deep down inside we all know we have to be different, somehow we just want to be the same as the "perfect image" that the world constructs.
And although we know there are standards to uphold, alot of it are very VERY ambiguous, and the view of what is the ideal standard varies from one person to the other.
Mostly we don't like to be confronted about it, or address the issue properly in a church or a group or whatever because we know different people have different views of what is acceptable, and we prevent conflicts as much as possible.
Okay I had my share too, I like to window shop online, I absolutely adore tumblrs with fashion related posts like makeup, nail polish, I love accessories.
I even asked God why can't He forsee these sort of things happening and at least give some guidelines of acceptable dressing in the bible or something, so people won't get confused.Really.

So I kept asking God, questions like:
"What is short? (for dresses/skirt/shorts)"
"Why can't you tell it to seniors so they set a good example?"
"How to dress so it won't look 'worldly'?"
"Is it wrong to be crazy about fashion?"
"How to tell what is appropriate and what's not?"

And the most irritating question I ask God when I go shopping:

"WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE??"
(between ambiguous pieces of clothing that look weird but it actually isn't weird and I like it alot but it just doesn't make me feel comfortable if I wear it out and things like that)

So I've been thinking about it, and one day, recently, while spending some alone time with God and thinking about these confusing things, God popped a question into my head.
2, to be exact.

Are you exhibiting yourself or Me?
Are you SEEKING to exhibit yourself or Me?

Yes there is a difference between the 2 questions.
Sometimes we might not really be doing all the weird worldly stuff but we might be interested in it, and seek it, or imagine ourselves in it.
So God didn't directly answer my question, but actually He answered it all.
If something we choose to wear defies the notion of exhibiting God and we actually just want to "fit in", it's not acceptable.

The body doesn't belong to us, and if we constantly keep saying we want to be set apart to be vessels of God, we need to ACT it out, if not we'll just be like Pharisees.

Many times actually, we DO know the answer whether God finds it pleasing for us be exhibit our mortal bodies this way, but we just pretend not to hear God's voice.
Then that's a whole new story, because the problem doesn't lie with our thinking of what is acceptable or not, the problem lies with the HEARING.

Okay I'm kinda satisfied with God's question which is my answer, for now.

I know all you out there might think that it's a little old-fashioned not to keep up with fashion or you might think christian girls are all holy marys or something, but well, we live for God, not the world.

Nice song to end off:D

Take off.

2011-05-04T22:24:00.004+08:00

My desk, filled with random post-its of best wishes from random people who randomly walked past. :D

Today God showed me something about sin, and the big difference between believers and non-believers, something which I struggled for quite some time.
In this stage of SIXTEEN, where my eyes are being opened more and more to the world out there, where my heart is bubbling full of excitment and hopes for the future, I get distracted by the world. Alot.
More and more questions kept surfacing, and yeah, it's quite a bummer to think that I'll NOT be a teen anymore in like, another 3 years.
I haven't even started living and do all the things I've always wanted to (like learning the piano, painting a mural, soak myself in tons of books, do scrapbooking, check out all the weird places in sg, dress up nicely, experiment with my hair, slack). And I'm like 16 already.
So anyways, since my focus get diverted from time to time, I need a fixed goal to keep me in check.
And that, is my awesome God.

Prelims 1 are officially starting tomorrow, I'm so excited, yet scared because I haven't uploaded all the info required into my brain's memory.
I might need to upgrade saving space too.

So I'm going to take a break off blogging, probably till the last paper, so I won't get distracted by the internet, which is around 19th may.
All the best to you you and you who are taking exams too!!!
Bye bye~~~

Abandonment

2011-05-01T20:05:00.004+08:00

So this evening, I decided to flip the pages of youtube and google for some good music getaway.
And I think I like Vivaldi, and I didn't know Albinoni was from the Baroque era, haha.
So singing beatitudes is like, reviving music centuries ago.

And I found this:

This make me go :D.
Seriously, how can anyone resist such pure voices?
Even if I don't understand what they are singing, it just captures my heart and attention to just sit and listen.
Makes my heart fly far far away, one of the devices to re-energise me to start studying again. (Like chocolates *ahem*)

And one random evening while studying in my nest of books with sym92.4 playing softly in the background, my ears suddenly caught a familiar, touching tune.
So I immediately put down my books, turned up the volume and just, immerse myself in the music.
I can't tell you how much I felt for the music the moment I heard it, especially when I've sung it onstage before and OMGOODNESS it was in orchestra version.
The strings were very touching, it takes one to appreciate the art, the movements, the heartbeats, and most importantly, the meaning/feelings behind every note.
Felt totally refreshed after that:D

So I searched the whole of youtube this evening and I think this was the version (although I can't help feeling that it is a little slower than what I experienced)
Nevertheless, it's still just as intense.

Actually I secretly like the instrumental version better than voices. :P

This week shall be the learning of abandonning of what's not important, and putting God, going after God's heartr and seeking for Him.

P.S. Today morning the moment I opened my eyes, the heavy thought of the impending doom of PRELIMS 1 filled my thoughts, and I felt so so so so so heavy and stressed, and scared so I immediately prayed and ask God to take it away. And guess what? The moment I told God to take it away, He did, because all of a sudden, my heart felt so much lighter, and refreshed, like it's been rinsed with cooling water or something like that. :D
It was SO REAL.

My beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.
-Songs of Songs 2:10

This phrase "come away" has been whispering in my heart nowadays, like God is telling me to get closer with Him or something. I don't know, so gotta go figure.

The hard heart

2011-04-27T22:39:00.006+08:00

not my photo.

So what happened in KL/Ipoh was that church had some bonding time with each other.
It was fun in some way, having a getaway to some nature place, overdose of durians (till I broke out in mild rashes I think it must be the durians), sleeping on the bus, sleep, eat, watch paintball war( never will try it), photos and photos, homework...
Okay quite a fulfilling weekend though:D

Oh lord please smash this hard heart of mine into pieces, I want to break free of this social bondage and stop being reserved.

Growing up.

2011-04-25T20:00:00.005+08:00

Not bad luh, looks like what a primary school kid can do.

Heehee, spent 3 hours doing it, the fog is super hard to do because water spreads the colours into a lump of weird-looking whatever and I spent most of the time trying to save the trees.
Original photo from National Geographic. :D

Council handover in 4 days, which means I won't have to go around with the obvious red tie and I can breathe normally, finally.

And I realise the dream I held on to, so-ever-tightly, hoping it'll come true one day, continues to live within me, even after almost a decade. It's a dream that won't happen in reality now, I'm sure, and it's time to let go, but I just can't make myself forgo the dream I created.
It's the dream that carried me through endless electone classes, endless torrential lessons, and it sort of made me who I am today.
But if I don't start letting it go now, I will just disappoint myself again and again, because the dream has expired, what's possible can't be possible already.
They say keep believing in yourself, hold on to your dreams because it'll come true one day, but for me, reality has made it impossible.

So I guess this is part of growing up, throwing away what's old and taking in new stuff?
But then again, what's the use of having a dream when it is supressed by reality?

Time to let go Angeline, there's always more in life than that, stop swirling around in a fairytale dream that will never come true.

It's the heart, afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance.
It's the dream, afraid of waking, that never takes the chance.

BRB.

2011-04-21T22:30:00.001+08:00

Hi my dear daily faithful stalkers, I'm going off to M'sia like NOWWW...
Won't be back to blog till... maybe next week?
Haha okay bye!!!

Wild at heart

2011-04-18T21:12:00.002+08:00

My heart is fixed, O God,
my heart is fixed:
I will sing and give praise.
-Psalms 57:7

In times of smooth sailing currents, not to mention trials, is our hearts even fixed?
David in psalms shows his great awesome trust in God, he even tells God his heart, the most wildest thing in every living being, is actually fixed, totally focused on God only.
I take off my hat to him.

These few days, God has been showing me, or maybe, making me more sensitive to my heart's activities.
Even when I appear quiet on the outside, I find that my heart is still running all over the place, following wherever my mind takes it to go.
The heart never rests, it is constantly seeking for things to fill itself, be it visually, emotionally, in new "love interests", everything and anything.
Because when the heart is empty, we feel depressed and un-alive, and I guess it is by default that every human being seeks to fill it's inner self up.

So what do we fill and fix our hearts on?
Most of the time it isn't really fixed on anything, because alot of things, after a while we find it boring, and search for new different stuff to fill it.
Only God can be the source of everything.
Like, everything.
From the emotions of the heart to the joy that every human being longs to experience, it's all from God only.
But most of the time we fix our hearts on other things, because we think God cannot provide what we really want, and I tell you, the heart is wild by nature.
Absolutely wild and daring.
It's a teriible thing to control.
And if we don't grasp it before it loses control, it blocks out God's still small voice deep down, and we become insensitive.

Oh Lord, fix my heart, I want my heart to be fixed on You only.

On a breezy afternoon...

2011-04-17T20:47:00.003+08:00

It's super fail, the water don't even look like waters.
But at least it's my first scenery (kind of) art piece, but actually, frankly, after I've stopped focusing on the blending, and started looking at the image as a whole I was like,

:O!!!???

And after I saw this video I was even more unsure and uncertain of my art skills.
She brings the owl to life!

So the reason for posting this up is to show that my skills will improve after this year.
Haha so next time can see my first few fail photos and compare.

Okay syf pics( first 3 are from denise, facebook)
Putting the competition itself aside, I think my makeup skills have improved. (YAY!!)
I did charis' and denise' eye makeup and some other random juniors who had their makeup look like gothic zombies (1st time la, cannot blame them) and I like the after effects.:)
I think it's my most successful makeup time or something, looking forward to the concert at esplanade!!!

Alto Queens!!!
(which also probably points out the pathetic fact that we're the only 3 producing the bulk of the sound of Altos.)

ALTO SECTION.
(All the manly-sounding women and 2 to-be-gone boys)

Kinda fail comm pic.

:D

Aftermath of destructive emotions:
We filled plaza singapura's swensens like totally (40plus people making noise) and my table people felt kinda down in the dumps so we ordered ice-cream and chocolate fondue.
Chocolate works totally, especially after a long food-ban, it tasted heavenly.
Indulged in our little world of melting goodness, we kinda forgot the fact that a senior was trying to console us (yingting) all the time. Oops sorry yingting.

What remains:
(We even started scraping off the chocolate and ice-cream)

End.

Celebrating new blogskin:D

2011-04-16T10:03:00.006+08:00

Okay finally I've changed my blogskin, not that I didn't like the old one, but because I wanted something fresh and new and non-navigating.
And of course, I edited the original piece, as usual for personalisation, but I still left the original credits on okay...

Today is the first time this year that I can sleep in on a saturday. (HOORAY!!)
And what's better is that I can finally spend some good quality time with God.
Guess what? I managed to sit still at my table for 1 hour, which seemed only like 5 mins reading the bible and talking to God and hearing from Him.
I think it is very, crucially essential to spend alone time with God, daily, and the best time is the morning.

Today's devotion:
Psalms 54/55

At this part of Psalms, okay I admit it's getting kinda boring because David was just constantly telling God how miserable his state was, how his enemies are trying to get him, how depressed he is...
But.
God made me see that, at least all his complaints and heartfelt feelings and whatever that burdened him was directed to God, not to anybody else.
He chose the right person to talk to when he felt depressed, and he never blamed God for his circumstance, but rather, he pleaded for God to hear his cries and deliver him, because he trusted fully that God will never fail him.
I mean, how many of us can actually not complain and point fingers when something wrong comes in our way?
It's hard to not blurt out something like "This is so stupid, why am I doing this?" or "It's [...] fault!" or even "This is not my job so I shall not help."
And everytime we start to complain to people around us, yakking non-stop, whining, murmuring, we actually affect the person who is listening to us.
How can one not feel emotionally disturbed and be affected mentally when listening to someone complaing non-stop?
The best thing to do, is to find God first, sort out all the funny thoughts and think objectively.
I believe God never intended for man to be emotionally disturbed and harbour negative feelings in any kind of circumstance.

So the only encouraging thing after a few paragraphs of depressing words is this.
David never blamed God, and he was wise to take God as his output of emotions, because God never changes, and He understands His creation the best.

After Psalms, the next thing I read was Daniel 3.

In this chapter, daniel's 3 friends (Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego) were high authority people in Babylon.
So one day, the king built a huge statue of gold, and commanded everyone in the country to bow down before this statue at a required time.
Obviously, daniel's 3 friends feared only God, so they did not heed the king's command, and some telltale fella went to inform the king of their disobedience.
The result of not bowing down to the gold thing was that they could be cast into a furnace of fire, and die.
So the king was furious that they did not follow his orders, and even set the furnace in which they were supposed to be thrown into, seven times hotter than it is.

The furnace was SOOO SOOO HOT that it killed the people who threw daniel's 3 friends in. Sad.
Anyways, they were thrown in, and the people (telltale fellas and the king himself) stood outside to watch them squirm and die.
But.

From Daniel 3:
24Then Nebuchadnezzar the king was astonished, and rose up in haste, and spake, and said unto his counsellors, Did not we cast three men bound into the midst of the fire? They answered and said unto the king, True, O king.

25He answered and said, Lo, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt; and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.

Haha, God wins again.
Apparently there was an angel sent to help them.
And the fact that they were able to "WALK" inside the furance, showed their complete trust in God.
I mean, if it was me and I wasn't hurt in the furnace, I would still be too terrified to even stand and walk about inside, and maybe even doubt whether I'll really make it out alive.

So the king was really amazed at how powerful Daniel's 3 friends' God and he asked them to come out.

And...

Not even the SMELL was on them.
God is amazing.

After reading this passage, God showed me the right thing to do in face of trouble.
The 3 men, although they lived in this world and was under the authority of the king, did not follow the king's orders when they knew it was wrong.
Even though the consequence was death penalty, they still stood firm, unwavering, and they knew in their hearts 100%, not even 99.99999% that God will have a way out for them.
They did not try to run away, or hide the fact that they disobeyed the king, rather, they still politely admit that they did not obey his decree.

All these showed me how we should not be running away from consequences, even when it is already wrong in the first place.
God never fails, so we shouldn't use our own minds to think and take action according to what we think should be done, but rather, consult God first before doing anything.
Alot of things in life we cannot control, such as our surrounding events, our friends, the characters of people around us, and manymany more.
But the one thing that we can control, which will ultimately control all other things is ourselves, our own reaction to it.
And before having a reaction, God should be the one taking charge, because His ways and His thoughts are higher than ours.
What we think cannot be comapred to His, and His ways confirm plus chopx100 will be the best move.

So humble yourself when someone does something to hurt you, or when circumstances aren't going your own way.
You might think that the best thing to do is to fight back, but I know God is meek, lowly and humble, and does not intend for humans to exhibit fiery behaviour, because we're all made in His image.

It's a pity many people don't see it this way.

So much things have happened for the past few days.
I've already gotten over the depressing state long time ago already, but there are still people holding on to the gold, not letting it go.
Come on, we're still a GwH inside of us, the outcome of a competition will not determine our quality and standards.

Oh and yesterday, or maybe the day before a frightening thought hit me like a lightning rod, after seeing how choir members cried and all the depressing statuses on facebook.

I thought, if humans can be so so so depressed and emotionally unstable as a result of being close to getting the best, and did not get it in the end, then what about those people who got close to God in the beginning, but somehow got swayed in the end when God comes?
And when they realise what they've lost, for the span of eternity, how would their reaction be?

Isn't it a scary thing?

Have Courage.

2011-04-13T22:46:00.002+08:00

It takes alot of courage to be able to come to terms with the results, and accept it maturedly.
It takes alot of courage to be able to acknowledge our faults and shortcomings, and step out of sorrow.
And lastly, it takes alot of courage to show the world that AHSCHOIR might be just a Gold on the outside, but we ARE still a GwH inside.
What matters is not how much the gold would label us, but how BIG the GwH still remains in us.

We can't let our standards be lowered by a competition outcome, I know we are STILL a GwH choir, we don't lack anything that cannot be replenished.

Today was a trying day.
The usual happened, everything went smoothly, though there were still nervousness, I could feel the sense of DESIRE and FOCUS from all of us.
When we went onto the stage, yes I admit I was a little nervous, but I felt proud to be wearing that midnight blue costume and I was confident.
I enjoyed myself singing the first 2 songs, I felt the feelings from everyone for Hana, and I liked the focus in the wind.
Saul started out pretty awesome, I was totally in the mood to kill someone especially when everyone stomped in sync together, I felt the intensity of the heartbeats in the voices, although technically it was not perfect.
It was until the 2nd part of the song that caught us.
I wasn't sure how music moved at the moment, I knew we went off pitch, but I still put my heart and soul into singing the music, but afterwards I felt everyone coming back to reality, out of the scenes, back into the black and white notes.
Then when realisation dawns, the chord could not be formed, and yeah, ended off on a sour note.

I didn't look forward to the results, somehow when I got off the stage I knew if we get a GwH, the standards of a GwH would have dropped and we would not deserve it 100%.
So yeah, I'd rather we get something that really reflects on what we were at that moment onstage, than to get what we desire, because I want the "GwH" title to remain good and perfect.

Gold, was what the competition gave us.
Many cried, for me, I teared and I felt my heart was tearing into 2 when I heard mr toh talk, yes I did experience the same heartaching feeling in my heart, but I only allowed myself to stay in it for less than a minute.
After that, I said a short prayer and I lifted up all the negative feelings, sorrow, heartbrokeness, disappointment, regrets to God.
Because I felt the evil spirit coming in to condemn my soul and to push it down and make it believe that Ahschoir is just a Gold, and it WILL acheive it's aim through the negative feelings I had.
I wasn't going to allow any loopholes for the devil to come in, so I lifted it to God, He consoled me, made me see what was the right thing to do, and I moved on afterwards.
It's utterly wrong to indulge in self-pity and disppointments, the best thing is to bounce back immdiately to the mature state if the mind as soon as the body system recognises the negatives, and removes it.
The more you wallow in sadness, the more misaerable and hopeless you'll feel.
And you'll start thinking that all hopes are gone, which is definitely not true.
We are still the same, before and after the competition, what we hold in our hearts will not decrease.
Don't compare to anything/anybody else, what is important is what makes us US.
If we really feel a sense of belonging in this choir, we shouldn't be comparing at all.

I think, this is the best experience for us to learn personally what is the true meaning of musicianship, and learn NOT to look on the outside, but what's on the inside.
I won't deceive myself that Gold is not a reality, because I am a part of this choir and I will go through this down times with them, and help us all emerge stronger than ever.
I believe if we stop condemning and labelling ourselves as "hopeless" and start focusing on soaring and acheiving what is to be ours, we'll WILL get it.

At the end of the day, I am not ashamed to say that Ahschoir did get a Gold, and I am still proud of being a member of AhChoir.

It's tomorrow

2011-04-12T22:18:00.003+08:00

The tiny smiley footprints to cute right?

Okay, so tomorrow is the BIG BIG BIG day everyone's been anticipating, dreading for.
We've practised so much, and that is really all the technical things we can do, so to finish the ice-cream, we need to add the cherry on top, which is our HEARTS.
Our feelings, inimate relationship with the music cannot be left out and forgotten, we've been well-known for our musicality.
We're not there to compete, or even compare, because there are alot of things that we can find ourselves disadvantaged, but we're there to perform.
Our 100% packed with humane feelings music will get us what we want, and guarantee our standard.

I really hope we'll get a GwH (baby one more time!!!) AGAIN because we CAN, but I'm still really not convinced entirely yet, maybe you can convince me that we'll be at our best tomorrow?
Anyways, there's nothing we can do already, worrying or dreading tomorrow will definitely NOT help at all, so the best and most suitable thing is to LOOK FORWARD.
I look forward to tomorrow, doing all the girls' heads, spraying hairsprays, helping juniors apply make-up, tie sash ribbons...
It's going to be a BIG DAY ahead.

We'll do it.

Guarding the Heart

2011-04-10T14:19:00.005+08:00

This is super cool can. I accidently spilled a drop of water onto my saul scores, and it smudged the brown ink I wrote before on my scores. Then chromatography revealed that the brown was made up of green and pink, like watermelon. :D So cool!

Choir's been toying with my feelings. One minute I feel that I can finally breathe properly, and the next minute I'm back to worrying. I really really hope that we'll be focused tomorrow and wednesday, and somehow get our full emotions out onstage.

This week's been full of mental challenges.
I remember last week sunday I blogged about guarding the heart and yes, God is faithful enough to make me learn physically.

So I shall share a scary incident in school on friday.
I BET 99.99999% OF THE STUDENT BODY DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS. HAHA.
Every friday I have to do main gate duty, what is required of me is to stop those who come in after the national anthem and get their names, but usually the kind me will wave my arms wildly to the people still strolling from the horizon.
This friday wasn't any different, the only difference is that a HUGE and UGLY BLACK stray dog strolled through the main gate too, while I was doing my duty there.
The dog was really scary, I think it is a little mad too.
SERIOUSLY.
The fur is like messy and dirty, absolute black, it's facial features wasn't well defined, half of it's tail was SHAVED (omg), showing the flesh, and it just slowly staggered in slowly and scarily, like a nightmare about to strike.
Of course, the security guards were being very brave and trying to shoo the wild dog away but the weird thing is, it doesn't really respond to humans.
So it continued to move in my direction, I WAS SO SCARED that I kept retreating, hiding behind the pots of plants, keeping myself out of sight from it just to prevent any sudden mad attack launched by it.

For a while, I wasn't sure what happened but I think the dog did leave, but IT CAME BACK AGAIN.
The operations manager came with a few men so they were all trying to resist the dog and shooing it away, the security guard even took the scrub-toilet-floor broom to get it out of the gate.
You don't know how relieved I was to see it disappear into the streets.
So, warning to ahs people, beware of a black stray dog.

So this also made me see how we should guard our hearts and minds from anything that does not belong in us.
If we don't shoo that little scary distraction away immediately, it will be creating alot of chaos and troubles within us, and it will be harder to shoo that thing away at a later time.

I think I have a very strong imagination, I like to keep my thoughts running and, just imagining, since young.
I imagine things that might happen, things that don't exist in real life, scenarios that will never happen to me, and alot alot of other things.
I used to create stuff with my own mind, such as houses and interior designing, because I have some interest in furniture. (I know it's weird and weird weird but that's me).
So I spend alot of time building houses in my own mind, opening up rooms, creating floor plans, design each room specifically, from wallpapers to every single thing that would be hanging there.
I think I have such a strong imagination that I can control my dreams too.
Before I go to sleep, there'll be this mode when you're subconciously in reality and subconciously in your dreams.
That'll be the time for me to decide what I want to dream, where I want to be, which people will be around me... things like that. And yes, I can snap out of my dream whenever things aren't going my way (aka, it's turing into a nightmare).
I used to be able to do that for a whole night while my body is resting in reality, but as I grow older I feel too tired to even create dreams.

And I think having such a strong imagination isn't a good thing, because I get distracted alot by it.
And when I am not aware and I don't discipline and hand my mind over to God, it distracts me away, wasting time which I can spend on fellowshipping with God.
I find that as I grow older, as much as I want to be talking to God 100% of the time, there are many things still hindering, and I have to find a way to stop my mind from running.
Until I can totally let go of the things in my mind and focus entirely on God, my relationship with Him can't go further, because I'm setting up a time barrier for Him.
This week's been so full of imagination, and letting my heart tumble fumble with little things, distracted from studies and God, and many times I find myself snapping back to reality, with God telling me, "What were you thinking?"

I really want to know my Beloved more and more each day, and focus on loving Him only, so I won't get distracted by things of this world which are temporary. So I guess this coming week will be Guarding your heart Round 2. Help me Lord.

Ending off...

So pretty right?

Toppings

2011-04-06T22:01:00.003+08:00

Okay I'm sorry if the pics don't turn out as appetising as intended, but I tried my best okay.
So all AHS peeps you'll be seeing this in your classes tomorrow morning, do come down to support RnE okay!!!
The granolas are quite nice and addictive, after the 2nd scoop, haha.

That is my deadline.
Actually I really do enjoy doing all sorts of fun and creative publicity work, I like how art can attract attention from the crowd. :D

There is a next BIG thing coming up in 3 months' time, it's gonna be BIG this time. :D

Get grounded.

2011-04-04T19:57:00.002+08:00

It's only Monday and I got swayed.

This is a rant post okay.

Yeah I feel really sad for the people who didn't get in syf, somehow I can't help but feel like I'm a failure too, for not doing the job assigned to me properly, which is to save you all.
I know it's only 1 prac but I'm sorry if I failed your expectations.
I don't want anybody to fail either, I'm just sad for the fact that it has to happen.

And there is another deadline coming, small hurdle, but I'm still affected.

See la, it's only Monday the test from God has already started.

Tell me there is still some gleam of light for us, tell me there is still hope, tell me it's is a possibility that we'll make it, tell me we haven't lost hope.

Tell me we haven't lost music.

Enough?

2011-04-03T17:31:00.005+08:00

This week's been spammed full of choir.
5 practices in a week, and more to come.
Going through everyday has been hard, but actually I kind of enjoy it, because I am actually doing something, than to let everything just fall through like that.
I like my alto voice nowadays, it's getting brighter (the result of raising eyebrows non-stop and telling my brain to locate the nerve to the soft palette so I can actually control and raise it) and I like the sound of it. :D
And if anyone finds me crapping non-stop and cracking up jokes just to entertain me and happens so that my humour rubs on the people around me, please understand, I'm under average stress.
Crapping is stress relief I tell you.
When things start to get tough, the hearts involved in it can either make it a good tough going or a bitter one.
The result might be the same, but the experience is really what matters. So in this time of stress and pressure and maintaining expectations, leaders, (esp sls) should be encouraging yet demand more and more from members.
We'll make it to the top smiling away, and not breeding ill-feelings in the end.
YES WE'LL MAKE IT SO PLEASE CHANGE THAT :( LOOK OF YOURS NOW IMMEDIATELY TO :DDDDD THANKYOUVERYMUCH.

All these being zealous for choir and working really extra hard to get what is meant for us also made me think how am I to God.
Do I have the same attitude towards knowing God better, or am I still the same, being complacent and taking God for granted?
We ourselves can also be a hinderance between God and us, our atittude, our mindset, our pride.
It's not wrong to be feeling good about ourselves, but our confidence is due to the fact that God is behind all our accomplishments, not ourselves.
When we start to build our own egos, thriving on people's praises, we reduce God's size in our hearts.
Then we become bigger and bigger, puffing up with all the harmful trash within us, and one day God takes a pin and pricks us a little, then we'll go "POP!"
From big balloon to trash in the dustbin.

God is constantly breaking and moulding us into His image, IF we allow Him to.
If there is a hinderance in the way, and we don't identify and remove it ASAP, one day we'll just get so used to it that we're blinded by the fact that it is a hinderance anymore.
God's been dealing with my pride, showing me how impatient I actually am, and it's always a struggle between me and God.
We're all made in His image, it's He who allowed our existence on this planet, so why are we always so stubborn and see ourselves bigger than God?

In a recent convention at my church, the question "Is God enough for me?" kept surfacing.
Is God enough for me?
Or am I searching for other things to fill my heart?
Everyone has this empty space in their hearts, and everyone always finds ways to fill it up, so they will feel like they're alive and satisified.
But no one is ever really satisfied if that space isn't filled by God.
Empty people will just continue to search and search for temporary fulfillment, replacing their wants constantly.

20My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings.
21Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart.
22For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh.
23Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.
-Proverbs 4:20-23

Out of the hearts springs issues of life.
What makes us us is not from appearance, but from deep within us.
What we fill our minds, our hearts with makes us us, and it's up to us whether we want to fill the empty spaces within our hearts with something permanent or temporary.
And keeping thy heart, means keeping it good, not to let the current prince of this world get it, not to let it be swayed, not to let it get distracted.
Anything bad will always be temporary, only God can be permanent, for eternity.
He never changes.

For me, I want God to fill every single part of me, permanently.

Is God enough for you?

(P.S. I know that everytime I post a post on sunday there'll be a real life test from God this coming week to make me learn through experience what I say on my blog. God please stay big in my heart, don't let me sway due to anything at all.)

Hold fast.

2011-03-30T20:10:00.004+08:00

Today's devotion is:

Psalms 47. (KJV)
1 O clap your hands, all ye people;
shout unto God with the voice of triumph.

2 For the LORD most high is terrible;
he is a great King over all the earth.

3 He shall subdue the people under us,
and the nations under our feet.

4 He shall choose our inheritance for us,
the excellency of Jacob whom he loved.
Selah.

5 God is gone up with a shout,
the LORD with the sound of a trumpet.

6 Sing praises to God, sing praises:
sing praises unto our King, sing praises.

7 For God is the King of all the earth:
sing ye praises with understanding.

8 God reigneth over the heathen:
God sitteth upon the throne of his holiness.

9 The princes of the people are gathered together,
even the people of the God of Abraham:
for the shields of the earth belong unto God:
he is greatly exalted.

God is to be praised, in times of sorrow or in joy.
It is always easier to praise God when everything appears calm and peaceful, than when circumstances are clashing.
I think I successfully went through the hardest part of the year.
Tomorrow will be the last day, and I will finally be able to take a breather.

Now, I know SYF is coming head on and there are things to do, but I don't feel stressed out anymore.
The hardest part is when everything presses on you at the same time, but now, I can space out my focus span already.
Wonder when and how the next tide will come.

Although I am in a peaceful situation at the moment, when I look back, I find that it had been the right choice to hang on to God in the hardest, most painful moments.
It is always then that I feel God's power really coming through me at my weakest moments, and I feel that I've grown closer to God in times of trials.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
- 2 Corinthians 12:9

I think I can finally understand what this verse is talking about.
When one is strong, there is no space for God to work through, but when one is weak, it gives God the chance to show forth His might, if only the weak one trusted fully in Him.
So actually I can say that I enjoyed going through really hard times, NOT because of the circumstance and all the wordly affections pressing and pressuring me, but because it is only then I can sense God's presence with me.
It's like hugging God's leg tightly, never letting Him go.

This is a really old song, but never fails to give me goosebumps whenever I hear/watch it.
It is when the Israelites could finally leave Egypt, where they were once slaves and tortured everydays.
They cried to God, and God made them a way, and this is the song is show them leaving Egypt.

The children's hebrew part translation:
A~shi~ra i'a~don~ai ki ga~oh ga~ah
(i will sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously)

A~shi~ra l'a~don~ai ki ga~oh ga~ah
(i will sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously)

Mi~cha~mo~cha ba~elim adonai
(who is like you, oh Lord, among the celestial)

Mi~ka~mo~cha ne~dar~ ba~ko~desh
(who is like you, majestic in holiness)

Na~chi~tah v'~chas~d'~cha am zu ga~al~ta
(in your love, you lead the people you redeemed)

Na~chi~tah v'~chas~d~cha am zu ga~al~ca
(on your love, you lead the people you redeemed)

A~shi~ra, a~shi~ra, a-shi~ra...
(i will sing, i will sing, i will sing...)

Like hello, THEY ARE FREE!
Free from all troubles, free to worship their own God!

In these end times, it's even more important to really hold on to God, and striving for a relationship with Him.
Alot of people are getting distracted by the world day by day, little by little, and they've strayed away from God, sadly.
I don't want to be left out when He comes back.

Beauty

2011-03-28T20:40:00.004+08:00

Taken out of my study room window.
That was the oh-so-pretty orange sunset yesterday.
It is not edited, yes, it's perfectly orange, with streaks of gold at the end.
I wish I'll be able to see this whole piece of sky without any hinderance such as buildings, etc.
Wonder who else saw it hehe.

5 practices left to SYF.
It's there for us to catch it, but I don't know if we can.
Sometimes I don't know what to believe in anymore, just the thought of not being up to our standard scares me.
But, today's sectionals was good!!!
There was improvement in Alto's sound, being much brighter and blended, though there's still room for improvement.
I think, part of us being so disapproving of ourselves is the inability to STOP CRITISING.
Sls should have some hope, and not go around telling ppl we're gonna die and everything because I feel that if the heads don't even have a hope for GwH, how would the members have any?
It's like judging ourselves before we even got a real shot at it.
There's a difference being demanding and having hope.
You demand because you have hope, not demand and not have hope.

Last pic, a pair of white sunglasses bought in HK's uniqlo, mush cheaper than sg's.
And the turquoise bracelet from HK's market.

I get easily attracted and distracted by anything of turquoise now.
I really really love that colour so much!!!

Though my world may fall,

2011-03-25T21:01:00.007+08:00

I'll never let You go.

Listen to it!!!

Okay I admit, I've been so stressed up lately that I find myself unknowingly detaching myself emotionally from things.
Like, choir and council.
I'm treating everybody and every project as an object, not something with life.
So I just do what is required of me, no feelings put in anything anymore.
It's like my body's automatic reaction to stress overload overload.
Robot.

I know my blog isn't read by everyone I know, especially this particular person whom I really love as a friend alot, so I guess I can post this, without touching anything sensitive at all.
Okay.

So I've been "shot" by this friend alot, especially when she herself is getting stressed up, she really "inflicts" emotional pain on others.
And her stress is nothing compared to mine.
Anyways, when one is close to someone, he/she sees very part of the person.
I really treasure this friend alot, but lately I'm getting shot, badly injured and I know she doesn't really know what she's doing, so I always leave everything to God whenever I get shot at.
Today I got shot again, and although it was just a passing remark sort of thing, I felt hurt because it was coming from her.
Like, good friends for almost 4 years already and I felt as if I'm just a dartboard, for people to throw darts at when they themselves are stressed, and pretend the dartboard is made of plastic so the darts don't hurt and can be removed easily.
Like real.
Have you ever got hurt repeatedly by a close one before?
I didn't shoot back, but I really really felt hurt.
The journey back home was horrible, with all the stress piling AND her passing remark repeating in my head.
So, I decided to sing worship songs in my heart to get all the unwanted hurt out of my system.

It was like a form of communication to God, and I just start with a song I know, I sing it to Him, and the next one comes from Him, then I sing back, and this feeling of fellowshipping with the Creator of the universe is just simply, awesome and wonderful.
Alot of songs came one after another, yes I teared, crying out all my hurt back to God, then I smiled, knowing He is there hearing and collecting all my tears.

Then, today's devotion was Psalms 41.

1 Blessed is he that considereth the poor:
the LORD will deliver him in time of trouble.
2 The LORD will preserve him, and keep him alive;
and he shall be blessed upon the earth:
and thou wilt not deliver him unto the will of his enemies.
3 The LORD will strengthen him upon the bed of languishing:
thou wilt make all his bed in his sickness.
4 I said, LORD, be merciful unto me: heal my soul;
for I have sinned against thee.
5 Mine enemies speak evil of me,
When shall he die, and his name perish?
6 And if he come to see me, he speaketh vanity:
his heart gathereth iniquity to itself;
when he goeth abroad, he telleth it.
7 All that hate me whisper together against me:
against me do they devise my hurt.
8 An evil disease, say they, cleaveth fast unto him:
and now that he lieth he shall rise up no more.
9 Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted,
which did eat of my bread,
hath lifted up his heel against me.
10 But thou, O LORD, be merciful unto me,
and raise me up, that I may requite them.
11 By this I know that thou favorest me,
because mine enemy doth not triumph over me.
12 And as for me, thou upholdest me in mine integrity,
and settest me before thy face for ever.
13 Blessed be the LORD God of Israel
from everlasting, and to everlasting. Amen, and Amen.

The passage was totally relevant, yet a little scary at the same time because that friend isn't my enemy.
The enemy is the Devil, not her.
Throughout all these clashing times, I've always questioned myself whether I was really in the wrong, but whenever I start my devotion to God, God always assures me.
Sometimes it's confusing, but well, God is the Right one and He knows everything, I can't be the one judging myself or others.

I have a feeling I'll be a dartboard again tomorrow, hopefully she knows what she is doing and stop immediately, but I guess that's never going to happen.

I really do still love her and she IS a nice person beneath all but I guess I'lll need my shield of faith, and the whole armour of God tomorrow.

Help Lord, I don't want to be hurt anymore.

Heavy eyelids

2011-03-24T20:56:00.002+08:00

Here's some of the HongKong pics, more on facebook when I find the time to upload.

These few weeks will be veryveryvery superrrr busy for me, having to prepare for presidential elections and SYF is nearing too.
Just finished and settled 2 mega stuff in a day, lesser worries for now.
Maybe not.
Anyway, I reach home everyday nowadays with droopy eyelids, not to mention homework.
Though life is busy and demanding, I feel a sense of fulfillment when I see and complete a task and well, it's all the experience. YEEHAA!

And throughout all these, I know I'm not alone. ;)

That's exactly what I've been busy with.

I survived

2011-03-20T21:05:00.005+08:00

Yup I survived Hongkong.
Fell absolutely sick from the 2nd night onwards, vomiting and diarrhorea was a constant process, fever came on the last night, and I was hobbling everywhere with the tour group like an old lady.
But.
I'm very very very x100 thankful to God for the people He put around me.
The guys took turns to carry my not-so-light bag, ms tan and mr yeow took great care of me, letting me sleep through activities, the girls accompanied me and walked at the same pace with me, people forced/pulled me into Watsons to recommend medicines, bought isotonic drinks and bread and tabao-ing porriage for me, offered all sorts of medicines, took into consideration my sorry plight when taking meals...

Without all these acts of love, I think I wouldn't have gotten the strength to follow all the activities through and taking all the public transport. (changing train lines for 4 times!!!)
I feel very loved and cared for, so I think for this trip God also showed me about my pride, and how I should accept help from others when I need it, and not shoulder everything myself.

Anyways, the weather was freezing cold, and it only got worse day after day, nearing 10 degress celcius only.
The thing is, we were all not prepared, wearing singapore's clothes with just a jacket.
It felt the same as Italy, with hands frozen, cold bitter winds blowing against our faces...
My hairdryer was very popular among both guys and girls, to de-freeze people when they just got out from the toilet. Haha.
But we all survived back all in 1 piece:D

The experience was good, the st paul's collage guys were very gentlemanly, protecting us when we were in small groups having meals at different places.
Though they don't speak very good english, they try their best and they are very humourous. SUPER funny when talking to them, had alot of great times.

I missed choir alot, thinking about them when I knew they were having choir practice at that moment, wondering what they are doing, whether charis was surviving well...

I'm still currently sick, not allowed to go to school tomorrow to see whether the fever comes back, because if it does, I have to go for a blood test.

More pictures and silly stories (a whole load) when I feel better. :D

Gone with the wind.

2011-03-13T21:09:00.003+08:00

I seriously cannot think of any other titles for blog posts already, my vocab is starting to get limited, so, maybe the titles now will reflect on the state of me.
Yup, my mind is gone with the wind.
Totally looking forward to HongKong, but reluctant to let go of altos.
I mean, it's not that I don't trust them but I feel that I should do more to help and inspire them, espcially when syf is just round the corner.

And, I have things undone with loose ends, not to mention homework.
Gah.

Anyways, I found a pack of flower petals selling for $2 at thecraftplace at east point, and I think it's worth it.
It's so pretty and easy to stick around.

And my study nest for now:

Yup the photoclips and strings are added on, to put more photos because I like my area to be full of expressive stuff, like, photos and colours and everything quirky.

And I watercoloured yesterday, played around with Ivory Black and creating shadows.
It's quite hard, because the brush strokes are very critical and black is a powerful colour.
One wrong move or a bit too much of it spoils everything.

But I think it kinda looked cute in the end. Haha

Okay I guess this will be the last post I'll be posting till I come back from HongKong, which is next sat midnight, which means most probably I won't be posting till next month.(Just kidding, I'll post when I feel like)
Life's gonna be intensified by another 100%.

Lovely

2011-03-10T20:52:00.006+08:00

Today is officially the last day of school (although there is parents' day tomorrow) and I am bombarded with a thick pile of homework which will be physically and mentally and emotionally exhaustive. Besides, all subjects will be tested after the supposedly very long week of holidays.
And I'm off in HongKong for most of the week, so I guess I have to rush.

Choir's been motionless, I would say.
It's freaking march already and I really can't wait until the day when we will be fully immersed in the music and everyone will enjoy it.
Because nowadays I'm either trying to blast as loud and tonally sound as I can, or I'm trying my utmost best to be contributive pitch wise, or I'm trying really hard to follow directions on paper and life.
We're performing this saturday, and I want it to be the best that we are, even if we haven't completed the stages. Sometimes I really wonder if music would be the one influencing us or we are the ones influencing the music.

The above photos were taken when SA is having a break, both genders find their own interests. Heehee.

And what exactly am I busy now with?

The banner for founder's day, and worrying and hoping and crossing my fingers and toes that the juniors will complete what they need to by the end of march hols.
Time won't wait, deadlines are never merciful.

AND, being the art fanatic of me, I bought my 3rd pack of clips the day before.
It only cost $3, and it has such a cool and attractive and quirky design, how could I walk past without taking a 2nd glance?

And I started taking half of my photoclips out and had a miniphotoshoot.

The background is last year's english cool sky blue file. Edited in Picnik.com.

Okay so we have like a pile of homework waiting now and I'll start this weekend.

Thank God for everything, I really sense His great power and presence everyday.
With God backing me up everytime, I don't have to fear for anything I've done right.
:D